Hubs and I recently heard that some close friends of ours were splitting up. Shortly thereafter, the guys met for burgers and beers at a local sports bar. I specifically instructed Hubs to do some sleuthing, and when he arrived home, I was full of questions about what he found out. Five minutes later, I was sorely disappointed.
âWhat did he say about the marriage?â âNothing. It didnât come up.â âWhat do you mean âIt didnât come upâ? Didnât you ask??â âOf course not! Geez, guys donât just ask about stuff like that.â Seriously, dude?
Itâs true. To women, friendship includes sharing. We get involved in each otherâs lives. Men often still cling to the âDonât ask, donât tellâ approach to their social circle, which is why, even for women who gush âI married my best friend,â women instinctively know that we need each other.
Girlfriends understand each other. We enthusiastically swap details about marital bumps in the road, new babies, empty nests, weight struggles, family dramas, career changes, parenting wins and fails, and endlessly debate the all-important âto Botox or not to Botoxâ without reservation. Weâre there for each other, and we speak the same language.
Girlfriends are better shopping buddies.  They will cheerfully go back with you to the same store three times to try on that dress, just one more time, to make sure itâs the best choice.
Girlfriends âget itâ even when we donât make any sense. âI was so depressed about my weight, I ate an entire box of Girl Scout Thin Mints,â will make a man crazy, but your girlfriend instantly makes you feel less pathetic by telling you her âGod, Iâm such a loserâ story about the night a half gallon of Ben & Jerryâs went mysteriously missing from her freezer at 2 a.m.
Girlfriends will let you vent without interruption. Youâre furious with Hubs for forgetting your anniversary? âIâm listening. Yes, heâs an idiot. Here, have another glass of wine and tell me more.â
Girlfriends will let you brag. Got a promotion? A hot new man? Hubs did something uber-romantic? Weâll provide the applause (and maybe a sigh of friendly jealousy).
Girlfriends help keep the passion alive in our marriage by reserving all discussions about our sudden-onset urge incontinence, current yeast infections, cellulite, or this morningâs discovery of grey chin hairs for girlsâ night out, effectively preventing the unfortunate visual from being seared into Hubsâ brain, to be replayed every time he sees you naked.
Girlfriends understand the emotional landmines of aging. Once-perky breasts that now resemble deflated wind socks, previously porcelain skin that now looks more like beef jerky, and tank tops in the winter because itâs SO DAMN HOT IN HERE are all topics better reserved for like species. Weâre a kick-ass support group.
Girlfriends can provide honest feedback without causing relationship havoc. If we ask Hubs about a certain dress and heâs obtuse enough to reply, âIt makes you look kind of short,â heâd only make that mistake once and live to tell about it. If we asked a girlfriend that same question and got exactly the same response, weâd say âThanks! I thought so too, but I wasnât sure.â
Of course, not all BFFs are created equally. By the time weâre 50+, many of us have several âbest friends,â all very different and bringing different gifts into our lives. Following are the five BFFs I think every woman needs.
1. Meri Brown (the Sister Wife). Sheâs your best friend from childhood. She knows your every secret, but would never tell. Over the years, youâve swapped clothes, traded boyfriends, got your periods (at the same time), and took turns hanging out the car windows during menopause. She cheerfully wore that hideous mint green bridesmaidâs dress at your wedding, and years later got you through your divorce while managing to keep you out of rehab.  She spends hours regaling your children with stories about your misspent youth (a crush on David Cassidy, Mom? Seriously??) No matter how long between visits, conversations can just pick up where they last left off, because she knows all the key players in the stories. You never have to re-introduce the characters with âNo, that one was my first husband. That one was my second, remember?â
2. Hilary (the Realist). Sheâs the one who tells it like it is. Sheâs loves you, but is not afraid to tell you when itâs time to buck up and get over it. She has no tolerance for âwallowing,â and her advice is usually blunt. Hate your job? âQuit.â Hubs is a jackass? âLeave him.â Feeling fat? âJoin a gym.â Hilary believes in taking responsibility for your life, and sheâs often just the person to get you up off your hiney and get you moving towards what you really want.
3. Sybil (the Alter Ego). Sheâs everything youâre not. Sheâs who youâd love to be if you could be someone else. Where youâre introverted, sheâs the life of the party. Where you avoid confrontation, sheâll charge right up to the rude salesclerk and demand âWhatâs WRONG with you?â Where your clothing choices tend towards yoga pants and t-shirts, she rocks the black leather jacket and distressed jeans. When youâre with her, you feel more daring, more willing to take risks. If you were ever going to buzz cut your shoulder-length hair or get your first tattoo at 58, sheâd be your ride-along.
4. Liz Smith (the Gossip). Simply put, she knows everything about everybody. Sheâs fun, loves to dish, and makes you laugh like nobodyâs business. If you donât know whatâs going on around town, or whoâs doing what with whom, sheâs your go-to. She can brighten up your day with a quick text message, âOMG. Meet me at 6. NEWS!â
5. Cameron Tucker (the âOtherâ BFF). Heâs your best boyfriend. Every woman needs a man in her life that sheâs never going to have sex with. Men have a different perspective on things and can often help us see situations from their point of view, but opinions and advice from our partners often appear to be laden with hidden agendas (getting laid or discouraging our spending). Your best boyfriend doesnât want to sleep with you and doesnât care what you spend, so he often seems more trustworthy in the advice department. And somehow you know that when he tells you that you look hot in that dress, you look hot in that dress.
If you have any of these people in your life, treat them like the gold they are. Or maybe you are one of these people to someone else? Then your girlfriends are right. Youâre a rock star.