Sandy Weiner
Dear Sandy,
I’m so frustrated. Met a man a few months ago. One date was better than the next. Once we took it to the next level…it was magical. Suddenly, he freaked out & within a few days stopped all communication. Then resurfaced to tell me it was the best 2 days of his life. Then the next day he freaked out. By the end of the week, he was back again. Made me dinner, affectionate, attentive, apologetic. Then nothing. No word till I got an email saying the woman he was dating for 4 years (dating??) resurfaced & her son is having issues with their separation & he doesn’t know what he wants (ya think?). It’s him not me (no kidding!!). Funny, he had nothing nice to say about this woman & how his kids didn’t like her & how selfish she was. I’m beginning to think men just like bitches & drama. When everything is too good, they freak out & can’t handle it. Should I just be bitchier? What are your thoughts?
Stephanie
Dear Stephanie,
Do all men want bitches? Absolutely not. But let’s talk about what happened between you and Mr. Hot and Cold.
Allow me to summarize your story: You met an interesting, sexy guy. Sex is magical. He freaked out and left. He came back. You took him back. He left, he came back, you took him back again. Poof, he went back to an ex whom he didn’t love and complained about.
My interpretation: Sounds like you two had sex before monogamy. You then had expectations of him to be a steady partner. You wanted him to be exclusive, but you never discussed that with him. He freaked out because he’s an emotionally immature guy who doesn’t know what he wants. Okay, he does know one thing he wants – great sex with you. You kept taking him back, which taught him that he can treat you poorly and you’ll always take him back. And then he walked all over you.
The problem isn’t that all men want bitches. While some men are immature and will go back to a bitchy demanding ex-girlfriend, no quality man I know prefers drama. In fact, most men DESPISE drama and bitches. It’s exhausting. It’s draining. Who needs that? We’re adults. Aren’t we done with drama?
Healthy mature men want relationships with women who are nurturing, loving, kind, compassionate, and have high self-esteem. In dating after 50, drama-free is the holy grail!
Here are a few things you can learn from your unstable/unkind boyfriend: You need to have clear standards about how soon to get intimate with a man. You need to take your time and get to know a guy, and determine whether he has your relationship “must haves”. You need to watch a man’s actions, not just listen to his words. Then, if he treats you poorly, you won’t take him back. You will say NEXT! and walk away.
I encourage you to enter your next relationship with your eyes wide open and legs shut. Take your time getting to know a man – at your pace. Learn to say no to a man who’s full of drama. The next man will treat you with respect because you’ve shown him your clear boundaries.
xoxo
Sandy
Have you ever been with a man who was attracted to drama and bitchiness? Please share your thoughts below.
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