Why Can’t I Zip My Dress?

Have you ever had a night like this?

You’ve been invited to a fancy shmancy party.  You’ve got that perfect LBD (mine is a Herve Lerger), that you got on a major Runway sale at T.J. Maxx last year– it’s the kind of dress you need a personal assistant to help you get on, but no worries– your PA (mine is named Mike)… who is half asleep downstairs watching a movie, ready to wake up at your beck and call. You’ve got your makeup on, your jewelry ready to go, the perfect bag and shoes at the ready in your closet.

It’s time to slip that LBD over your head, zip it up, look in the mirror, slip into your heels and tell yourself how sexy you look…

…and then…

Why can’t I zip my dress?  

Is it because some of the seam fabric is caught in the zipper?

Is it because the zipper is broken?

Is it because this is the wrong bra for this dress?

Do I need some upper body Spanx?

Is there something wrong with my lung capacity?

Have I done too much upper body work at the gym?

Have my boobs gotten bigger?

Did the cleaners shrink the dress?

Is it that time of the month?  (If only!)

Did I eat too much salt?

Am I pregnant? (if so, I may be giving birth to the next baby Jesus…)

Is this really my dress…maybe I actually bought it for my daughter?

Grab the soap, grab the pliers…and when nothing works…I may have to grab a cardigan!

I can’t imagine what the problem is…can you?