“Good morning girls. Happy Thanksgiving! Did someone drop off a pie when I was out?” I asked our two daughters.

“Oh, RJ made that.” Nikki said. Nikki is 25 and had just arrived the night before from New York City.

“What do you mean?”

“Sweet potato pie is his specialty, and he was making it for his family, so he made one for us. I froze it, put it in my backpack frozen and carried it on the plane.”

“OK Nikki, you’re busted! Come clean about RJ. Your ‘friend” (and I actually used the hated air quotes) is not just baking a pie for us.”

“I’ll tell you but promise you won’t be weird.”

“I won’t be weird. I’m never weird.”

“Oh my God mom, you’re always weird about this stuff.” Nikki’s younger sister Lulu piped in.

“What do you mean? You guys never tell me anything so how can I be weird about it?”

“That’s why we don’t tell you. Because you’re weird.”

“Well, I’m not promising anything. I’m your mom and if I want to be weird about it, I’ll be weird. Now do tell!”

“RJ and I are exclusive.” Nikki said.

So now I had to be not weird while trying to remember the silly stages that twenty somethings use to define their relationships. I remember about a year ago asking Nikki about the stages when her friend Brooke declared to me

“Mrs. Philip, Travis and I are officially boyfriend and girlfriend.”

I smiled and said, “That’s great!” while thinking haven’t they been together for over a year? I thought they were already boyfriend and girlfriend.

When Brooke left, I asked Nikki about the stages and she slipped in that well, yes, she was exclusive with a guy named Curran. I had never, not once, ever heard the name Curran. And now she was telling me she was exclusive with him and I have to act not weird? Back to RJ.

“So, tell me more about RJ.”

“That’s weird but ok. I met him at work.”

“Is he nice to you?”

“Yes, mom, he’s nice to me.” She said as she looked at her sister and smirked.

“Are you nice to him?”

“Most of the time.”

“Does he make you laugh?”

“Moooommmm. Stop. You’re getting weird. And OMG, are you looking him up on Facebook? Did you already tell Auntie Dana?”

“Yes, and yes. Oh, he’s cute. He looks tall.”

Lulu was getting such a kick out of this. The inquisition was focused on Nikki and she could just roll her eyes at me about being weird.

The rest of the weekend, while feeling fully within my rights to be weird, I tried so hard not to be weird.

“So, Nikki, what’s RJ doing for Thanksgiving?” I casually asked.

“Nik, how often do you see RJ? Is he in your COVID pod?”

“Have your friends met RJ? Do they like him? Does he like them.”

And then, I pushed it too far.

“Nikki, you should invite RJ to Florida for the holidays.”

“See Mom, that’s why we never tell you anything.” Lulu said. “Don’t you know that you would never visit the family unless you are boyfriend and girlfriend?” Duh!

At that moment, their dad walked in.

“Hey Nikki, how’s SPP?”


“You know, Sweet Potato Pie!” Ted said.

We are definitely weird.

What You Can’t Ask Your Adult Daughter About Dating was last modified: by

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