What I Learned From My Friend's Gay Wedding

They met in their early twenties, through a most intimate act. No, it’s not what you think! They were study partners, deeply immersed in the scholarly analysis of the Torah at a seminary in Israel. After years of dating the wrong men, K suddenly realized that she had met her true love – a woman. Fast forward eight years. K and G were legally married in the state of Connecticut at a beautiful and moving ceremony that I was privileged to witness.

At their engagement party, I heard some of the most moving testaments to true love. Listening to the loving words shared by this couple, even the most cynical among us couldn’t help but believe that true and lasting love exists.

The wedding was a fairytale of twinkling lights and the warm glow of candles, the backdrop an antiquated estate on gorgeously landscaped grounds. The warmth of the evening was echoed in the faces of the loving and supportive friends and family from all denominations. The wedding party gathered together with a unified purpose, to celebrate the love between K and G, not to judge a lesbian marriage.

One of the most striking differences between this wedding and the traditional weddings that I more commonly attend was the unique and thoughtful nature of each aspect of the service. Gay legalized marriage is still in its infancy, so there isn’t much precedence for how to conduct the ceremony.

A great deal of thought and meaning went into planning each aspect of the ceremony, from the writing and sharing of vows, to the Jewish marriage contract, to the exchange of rings and breaking of two glasses at the end of the ceremony. I was moved to tears several times by the beautiful words shared by loved ones.

To me, the most moving speech was given by G’s mother. She shared that to her, the couple represented heaven and earth. K is heaven, with her deep spiritual and ethereal nature, her warmth and loving kindness, reflected in the work she does and in every aspect of her life. G is her complement, representing the earth in her grounded nature, the practical and thoughtful way she works and lives. Together, they create a balanced whole.

If only more people would follow K and G’s lead in finding the key elements to lasting love, we’d have a lot more happy couples!

3 Keys to Lasting Love

1. Choose a mate with whom you share core levels of compatibility. For them, it began with their shared love of Torah. You must identify what it is for you. And then seek out a partner who shares your common interests and values.

2. Follow your heart, not the opinion of others. K and G met with a lot of resistance. After all, K had only dated men before meeting G. She let her heart and her intuition be her guide. It wasn’t always an easy path, but it was her truth. Follow your truth. You’re the one who has to live with yourself, and ultimately with him or her.

3. Look for your complement, not a carbon copy of yourself. The best matches are a combination of compatibility and complements. Ideally, you want to share the same world view, be in alignment with how you make practical decisions, and be sexually attracted to each other. Complements can help you grow together and pull you both to center. With K and G, they were heaven and earth. What would your complement be?

My wish for you is that you find the kind of lasting love that I witnessed between this loving couple. Don’t give up hope! It can happen to you. I know it can be frustrating to date the wrong people (or no one at all), but please stay in the game. The rewards are too great. You might miss out on an opportunity to enhance your life with lasting love.

If you are frustrated and need support, please know you don’t have to do it alone. I am here to help demystify the dating process and help you make better choices so that you, too, can have a fairytale wedding. You deserve it. Set up an appointment today for a 15-minute FREE consult with me to help you discover the best path towards lasting love.

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What I Learned From My Friend’s Gay Wedding was last modified: April 9th, 2014 by Sandy Weiner

4 Responses

April 10, 2014 judy b Reply
Nice piece until the sales pitch at the end. Please take the advertising out of the writing or at least have some sort of disclaimer at the beginning.
April 10, 2014 Haralee Reply
Wouldn’t it be great if we could tell our heart, the hearts of our family, friends and children to not fall unless a criteria is met! Sometimes it works and your points are well thought out. I would add to look for a true partner. Someone who shares the daily tasks of home and children, family management.
- April 10, 2014 Sandy Weiner Reply
  Haralee,
  I agree, a true partner is someone who is there through thick and thin, the grunge and the fun, the joy and the sorrow. Someone who has your back and you have theirs, you work thought the tough times, and you celebrate the good ones.
April 13, 2014 Barb Elgin Reply
Thank you for posting this article. Spreading the joy of same sex marriage is still a radical act! The more the world sees couples like K and G as part of the natural fabric of society the better. I would have loved your article even more if you’d identified your friends in the article. Did you ask them if they’d be willing to share their story openly? That kind of out-ness adds to the power.