I recently polled a group of single women over 40 about what they really think about single men. I figured the majority of the comments would be negative; bitter, and hopeless.
But there were also lovely comments about single men, and that made me happy and hopeful for the future of midlife relationships.
First, the not-so-nice comments
Single men are __________________.
- Not all there!
- Not available.
- Sometimes clueless.
- Definitely clueless.
- Completely clueless to a woman’s needs. Again, there is a reason why they are single.
- Men who are single over 40 are completely clueless. The women want relationships and the guys are beyond clueless.
- They need babysitting.
- A puzzle.
- Frightening to know that at this age, men continue to play games with women who were very clear as to what their goals in a relationship are.
Frightening to be lied to, manipulated and disrespected under the guise of a false persona. I keep hope alive in believing these types are less than the good, respectful, caring men I believe to be out there.
- Usually single for a reason.
- A little selfish at times.
- Too quick to judge. If they don’t feel fireworks with you in the first 5 minutes of meeting you, they write you off.
- I’m a fairly positive girl. Dating is frustrating (I’ve been at it for 7 years), but I’ve met a bunch of lovely men. They seem to not know exactly what they want. Typically say one thing but do another.
And now for the more positive comments
Single men are ________________.
- I have a terrific friend in his 40’s who is single. There are some great guys out there!
- Delicious! Trying to be uplifting, lol.
- Want to be loved too.
- I also want to say that there are good men out there. They are just very different from us, which makes it very frustrating.
- The only type of men I’m interested in.
Notice that there are way more negative comments. Surprised? I wasn’t. I believe the negative comments are based on women’s past experiences with men who were unkind, selfish, insensitive, and immature, and apparently clueless (the number one complaint).
Sure, there are unkind people out there, but that doesn’t mean the next person you date will be just like your ex. That’s a limiting belief, and it leads to painting an entire gender with a broad brush.
All men are not selfish. All men are not immature or clueless. All men are not cheaters, liars, or womanizers.
For all the women who have dated guys who fit the above descriptions, don’t hate on all men. Learn to improve your picker and choose a better partner. Take responsibility for what you can do to attract a great guy into your life.
And you can learn to communicate your feelings and needs, because all those so-called clueless men might have been clueless due to your ineffective communication skills.
I was thrilled to see the positive comments about men, because there are definitely kind, warm, responsible, communicative single men over 40. Many of them are readers of the Good Men Project!
I once had a client who had been cheated on by her last boyfriend, and she had trust issues. Her current boyfriend was constantly being questioned and mistrusted. Finally, when he couldn’t take it anymore, he said, “I’m not the guy who hurt you! You can trust me.”
We attract what we believe. In other words, you believe everyone cheats? You’ll attract someone who does. You believe all men are immature? You’ll attract immature men.
Your dating mindset matters more than anything. This applies to men and women. So, if you’re single and you want to find lasting love, adapt a more positive mindset. Look for three good things in every online dating profile and on every date. C’mon, you can find three good things! You’ll soon see that every person you date is not a clone of your ex who hurt you. You’ll be able to restore hope and the confidence to fall in love again.
There are wonderful single men and women out there. Now go out and find them so you can go on your last first date!
Men, what do you really think about single women? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.
This post was originally published on www.goodmenproject.com