Thank God it’s Monday, because Saturday didn’t turn out so well for me. Saturday Night I would say I went off the deep end indulging every which way in unhealthy escapism, extreme eating and bad sleep choices.

Up until Saturday, our days in self-isolation have been complete with smart choices but, not yesterday! I can’t say it was all my fault. There were some outside forces at play that tipped my rhythm which I was beginning to embrace that sent me over to the other side.

Thus far my days have been in balance doing what I am “supposed to.” I start my day grateful for my husband and that my kids and friends and family are ok, and then it’s coffee time with almond milk (no dairy), followed by a walk, on-line yoga class or a bike ride. Then reading a great book and finally the unavoidable CNN. Then there’s lunch followed by a nap and then a walk and maybe a Zoom call with friends.

In that last 2 weeks I’ve added in a daily cocktail of Vodka on the rocks with some healthy appetizers and then I cook a lovely meal for the two of us. Apres dinner is followed by Jeopardy and Hulu, Netflix or less than discriminating choices of series.

Re-reading that last paragraph is a tad frightening as it looks like the day of someone living in Florida in a retirement community. Hey… is! HELP who have I become?

That must have got me twitching a bit as the reality sent me out of balance on Saturday and I went rogue.

Spoiler alert — I’m ok and back to embracing the ho-hum of my life which is way better than what happened, but I wanted to share how it’s so easy to go off the deep end and push up too hard against the confines of your apartment walls.

So here’s what happened…..

After a perfect morning bike ride with my husband we returned to our apartment building to find someone had gotten “sick” on the floor of the elevator. I freaked! I looked at the fluids on the floor and wondered if someone in our building was just ill in a normal kind of way or if there was a virus. We had done such a great job cleaning every corner of our world and there was this puddle of bacteria in our elevator. The building did a great job and called in a team to clean it (amazing that they found people so quickly) and we were beyond grateful but when I got into our apartment, I began to behave differently.

I made my husband drop his clothes, and I did mine and tip toed them to the laundry. We showered and he asked me what I wanted for lunch.

“Lunch, OMG, I couldn’t possibly eat, I’m so freaked out.”

He made a turkey sandwich for himself and sat comfortably on the porch and read his phone and ate. I told him to stay outside until I was done cleaning every corner of the apartment. How did he just shift gears like that? I mopped and lysol-ed every surface, I wiped the TV screen, the remotes, washed the bath mats and every towel, I scrubbed the closet doors and every handle and it still didn’t feel clean enough in the house.

I had let the virus get to me. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that coodies were everywhere. I’ve always craved a little OCD just so I could get my closets organized, or the Tupperware, but now I think I have OCD. I’ve never been a manic cleaner and here I was the mad mopper.

And that’s pretty much how the rest of the day played out. I tried to read and couldn’t, I worked on the crossword, no focus, I binge watched my son’s videos on instagram at least 100 times. Have you seen them by the way, they are funny and clever but Saturday night they didn’t transport me far enough from myself.

Go to whatupcal on instagram for quarantine rapping

I tried a pick up game of Cannasta Junction but couldn’t get into it.

click here to download the app and let’s play

And then it was cocktail time. Thank God! And that’s when my evening turned into one big unhealthy nervous TICK! It involved too much of everything.

I poured myself a vodka with a lime and watched Andrew Cuomo on CNN. WHAT! Trump had announced there may be a lockdown between states! I listened as Cuomo said “I don’t think a federal quarantine is legal” and I started to see the fragility of our day to day liberties even more. Could Trump ignore Cuomo..would this be possible? We could get stuck in Florida forever if not for him. When would I ever see my kids? And I got nervous.

We joined a Zoom surprise birthday party for a friend which was so lovely and over 25 couples signed on. It was crazy and surreal. I was happy to see everyone and overwhelmed at the reality of our changed world. Parties on Zoom?

During the call I shoved the entire App tray in my mouth. After giving up dairy since December I ate the whole hunk of cheddar followed by a bowl of green olives and chips and hummus. I wanted another Vodka but I had a sparking water instead (phew).

We settled into the couch and turned on our latest Binge. We have been parsing out the episodes of the show we are obsessed with.. Killing Eve, but last night forget about it.

My husband watched 2 episodes with me, in a really wild gesture of letting go but, then he was done and went to bed. Not Me! I just couldn’t stop watching. All that sexual tension between  Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer, the psychopath’s unpredictable moves, the fast pace and the cliff hangers. I was riveted.

(If you can’t deal with crazy pointless killing scenes then skip it, but for some reason right now I can).

Between episodes I reverted to college behavior, I grabbed the container of Graters Chocolate chip ice cream I had scored at the local market and tucked in for more binging. (Why had I ever given up dairy?)

I finished the ice cream and the series and headed for bed at 1:15 am. I was too wound up to sleep. So, at 2 am I took a Benadryl capsule (I never do that either). I woke up 5 hours later. HELP!

So this morning I’m cranky, guilt ridden and remorseful. When I told my husband I finished the series (but I haven’t told him about the ice cream) he was so OK because he’d had the best sleep ever.

So today I’m recovering from lack of sleep, a sugar headache hangover, and more Covid 19 news than I can handle. I should take a Tylenol but I need to save them just in case we get “sick”, so I guess I’ll mop the floors again and take a 2 hour savasana on my yoga mat.

I am

Saturday Night I Went Off the Deep End And Here’s What Happened was last modified: by

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