There are articles ad nauseum about why men cheat, ranging from biology to boredom, but none that I could find about the excuses they give to their partners when they get caught.
In a very unscientific sample of betrayed women, I collected some of the most common justifications. There seems to be a notable lack of both imagination and variation. Maybe these cheating men all got the same memo?
Herewith, the top ten excuses of cheating men who get caught (in descending order):
10. My father was not around very much, and never… (choose one or more):
-took me fishing
-watched me play little league
-took me to a football game
9. My mother… (choose one or more)
-loved my sister/brother more
8. This just shows I’m human.
7. One person can’t be expected to meet all my needs.
6. I was afraid I was going to lose you when you… (choose one or more)
– had surgery
-were diagnosed with breast cancer
-had a hysterectomy
5. I was drunk.
4. It’s hard for me to get older.
3. This other woman just wouldn’t give up (or, in the immortal lyrics of Hamilton on Broadway: “I can’t say no to this.”)
2. I have no idea why I did it.
And the universal number one excuse:
1. You were never supposed to find out