Sandy Weiner
In a recent study by Match.com, it was revealed that singles who used emojis in texting had more sex than those who did not. I’m not kidding. “54% of emoji users had sex in 2014 compared to 31% of singles who did not,” said Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University who helped lead the study.
The logic behind this study is that those who use emojis convey more emotion in texting than those who don’t. Kissing emojis were particularly effective for conveying sexiness (shocking, right?).
Texting is a highly ineffective way to convey tone. Many arguments begin with a misunderstood text. That’s why I discourage the use of texting in a developing relationship except when conveying factual information, like where to meet for dinner or that you’re running late and stuck in traffic.
While kissy face emojis may increase your chances of a roll in the hay, emojis can also be potentially harmful. I’m talking about the passive/aggressive use of emojis. This is when you use an emoji as a way to soften the blow. For example, putting a smiley face after a hurtful statement does NOT make your message less hurtful. It makes it confusing. It is the opposite of a clear way to communicate with your date.
Emojis can be a wimpy way to hide behind your true feelings.
When you communicate by text or email using emoticons or emojis to lighten up a difficult conversation, you are not saying what you really mean. I realize that for the majority of us, it’s difficult to express vulnerable feelings. But if you don’t, you run the risk of not having honest relationships.
Emojis vs. Clear Communication in Dating
Following is an example of the difference between using emojis versus using clear communication with your date. In this example, “Jane” is meeting “Jim” for the first time at Ted’s Diner. She’s been waiting 20 minutes, and she’s getting anxious. She decides to text Jim to find out where he is.
The emoji text: “I’ve been waiting for you for 20 minutes LOL. Where are you? : )”
What Jane really wanted to say: “I’m angry at you for making me wait 20 minutes. How inconsiderate that you didn’t have the courtesy to let me know where you are and why you’re late! Grrrrrr.”
Clear communication text: “I’ve been waiting for twenty minutes. Are you okay? Please let me know when you think you’ll be here.”
In the above text, Jane made it clear that she has been waiting for a while. She is also letting Jim know that she’s concerned for his welfare. And she wants the facts: how far away is he? When can she expect him? There is a time and place to discuss her feelings about being kept waiting. She’ll do that in person, not through a text.
Emojis can be playful and fun. Apparently, they can even increase your sex life. But clear communication is one of the cornerstones of a healthy lasting relationship. So communicate clearly and limit the number texts and emojis when you’re getting to know one another. You’ll have a much better chance of developing an honest, authentic relationship.
How do you feel about the use of emojis when communicating with your potential love interest? Please share your thoughts.
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