“Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? I haven’t been right in 32 years but I’m a happy man.” And so muses Comedian Jeff Allen on his You Tube Dry Bar performance…How to Understand The Wife’s Code.

OMG, I can’t stop laughing at this guy, because it’s the guy’s perspective and it’s just too funny – but honestly, it does make me feel badly for our guys to hear these truths. Clearly there’s over 4 million views of this video because Jeff Allen has hit the nail on the head about men’s view of the long marriage. 

And the big takeaway for me is that the more accommodating the guy is, the better the marriage is. Wow, somehow that rings a bit controlling and un-even.  Sweet amenable guy falls in love with tough woman and he says yes alot and that makes for a happy marriage?  Are the most successful marriages hinged on husbands knowing what not to say?

I’ve been married for a total of 36 years so I should be well versed on the subject; (22 years to Alan and widowed and now going on year 14 with Bill).  Most of my friends are celebrating over 35 years of marriage. We’ve shared plenty of stories through the decades, but our view on happy marriages is from our woman’s perspective, not our guy’s. How come some of marriages are so happy and others not?

I think Jeff Allen truly has the answer to what makes for a happy marriage and although he’s “only joking”  it makes you think….

This one got a big laugh but ugggh!….”The first thing my wife did when we got married was take my spine away from me and put it in her purse.”  That one kills me.

And this one I cried laughing “She says, “I’m fat….and you don’t move a muscle because….”

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…. I started to observe my behavior and Bill’s after watching Jeff Allen’s comedy bit. And, I can see why I have such a happy marriage.  

“I can’t find my white work out shirt, I thought I had it in my closet in my pile on the floor.”

“I saw you had a pile of laundry in your closet, so I grabbed it as I was doing my wash too,” my husband smiled sweetly.

I grimaced inside, “Were you washing whites?”

“Hmmm, I think everything.” He pulled the load out of the dryer and there it was — my now not so white shirt.

Ka-ching, another white work out shirt turned pale gray… I cringed.

“Thanks, so much, but I really really like to do my own wash. I hate to criticize but seriously, whites just don’t stand up to the power of our black long underwear and dirty ski socks.” (I tried to be cute but so not!)

“Sorry, I used cold water.” But still, Bill looked kinda sad. 

“Hey, I don’t mean to complain, but it’s just my white shirt obsession”, and gave him a hug. And that’s all it took, a hug and he was so happy.

“I’m heading to the grocery store, I’ll get the salad stuff for dinner,”  Bill texted.

Love that man, I hate going to the grocery. What a sweetheart.

But then my mind starts ticking and I can see how this marital dance is so predictable ….

“That’s awesome Honey.. don’t get the plastic box of lettuce, no more plastic please…only Romaine from fresh produce section. And when you get the oat milk can you make sure it’s the Oatly original gray carton…not the blue carton.”

“Was that text critical or clarifying?”  I thought and added. “Totally appreciate you picking that stuff up….love you.”

I mused, Thank goodness, he didn’t just drive straight home and say do it yourself. I’m lucky he’s so easy going. 

And it got me to thinking about the older we get the more we like things a certain way. And, that certain way isn’t necessarily our partners way so how the hell do we negotiate our daily routines, asking for what we want without sounding demanding.

And there I was soaking my clothes in bleach trying to get the gray out, when in walked Bill from the grocery store with a bunch of my favorite flowers. 

“You are the best. I love these. Thank you.” 

Bill had the biggest grin on his face and I could see it was a win win. Thank God, I didn’t remind him not to bring me carnations!




The Long Marriage…Should We Feel Badly For Our Husbands? was last modified: by

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