It was a beautiful Southern California spring day with the only difference that I would be going to my doctor’s appointment alone for a biopsy on my breast this afternoon. I was feeling sorry for myself and nervous about the upcoming procedure while driving into work. Then on the jazz station I often listen to, the song Moon River came on which I had never heard them play before but was my Mother’s favorite.
My eyes began to tear up since I hadn’t heard this song since before she passed over 15 years ago. I felt she was speaking to me from the world beyond this morning sending me the message that she was watching over me and lending her support and love from a spirit world. I was able to make it through my half work day and into the breast clinic not alone but with my Mother’s love and support. Even though my children and friends had been calling offering their thoughts and prayers, there will always be times when only a Mother can calm and comfort a scared child. There are signs all the time that are presented from the spirit realm and I recognize and accept them with wonder and thankfulness.
Throughout my life there have been other communications from recently departed family. When living in Atlanta, I had a sudden urge to check the Boston obituaries and found out my Aunt had recently passed. No one had contacted me since some of my family considered my moving out of state was actually me abandoning my family. But my aunt had always been supportive of me and my life choices and loved me unconditionally. I felt she wanted me to know that she had passed and was with my family in the spirit world. I picture her, with my Nana, Grandma, Mother and Great Aunt sitting in the kitchen have the afternoon cup of tea while the potatoes for dinner boiled on the stove and the men, my uncles and Dad in the dining room having an afternoon drink talking sports and politics at the table. With her passing the old guard had left this physical world and now I was left, the new old guard to keep their memories and pass them onto my children.
When my Dad was in hospice, I frantically flew into Boston from Atlanta since he only had hours to live. At the time I smoked cigarettes and had been attempting to quit for years. My Dad never smoked and even though he had asbestos in his lungs from working in the ship yards, and he had been the longest survivor of his sheet metal crew. When I finally got to his bedside, I didn’t recognize his face, it was sunken and in the final stages of his death mask. I quietly sat beside him when I felt something come within me like a quiet energy or electrical current; and after leaving him I never felt the need to smoke another cigarette again. He passed peacefully a few hours later and took my nicotine habit as a gift to me.
Now as a grown woman during difficult times, I look back on the signs from my family who have passed, I wonder if I will be able to offer my children the same comfort as my departed family have given me for dealing with their passing’s. Writing and journaling is a way for me to ensure that my children know how I felt and my experiences that they can share with my grandchildren when my passing comes. Remembering my spirit experiences with my family gives me comfort that there is a life or experience beyond this current physical existence and hope that I will be sitting once again in my Nana’s kitchen having afternoon tea.