Sexual excitement rarely springs up full-blown—many of us need a little more enticement before we even get to foreplay. Busy lives, a diminished libido, stress, menopause, and other daily things can get in the way of our desire to have sex.
There are things you can do to build a sense of excitement, for yourself and for your partner. Once you start thinking about sexually you’re more likely to want to engage in sexy activities. You just have to start thinking creatively. For example: as you’re dressing in the morning pull out your two sexiest panties and ask him which one you should wear. As he’s heading out the door for work, give him a kiss and murmur something deliciously sexy in his ear.
See? There are so many ways to get his attention and to create the atmosphere. My most delicious moments come when I get him thinking about me at work—I do something to get his attention, knowing that he’ll be visualizing me, or ‘the moment’, during his day. It helps get us both in that anticipatory state of mind.
Once we begin to think sexy thoughts our minds become engaged and we’re more easily aroused at the right moments. It helps to stoke the fire, so to speak. And, for those who want to reintroduce passion to their relationship the gradual introduction of playful, sexual banter is a nonthreatening way to begin.
Sexting as a Tool for Seduction
I love sexting. I use text messaging with family, friends and a romantic interest. It’s a great way to stay in touch, check schedules, send reminders, etc. And, it’s the perfect vehicle for playing with your partner, spouse or lover.
You need to establish a texting relationship with him or her first, in order for this to work. Try sending a few random texts occasionally to get him in the habit of reading your texts if this is new for the two of you. Then ease into the sexy stuff.
Here are a few ideas for getting started, going from mild to spicy:
- Thinking about our dinner out tonight
- I’ve got a sexy surprise for you
- Had fun last night on our date—kiss still lingering
- Dressing for my day and thinking of you
- Which do you like? Black lace or white?
- 6pm. Don’t be late. Wine chilling, wearing white lace
- All tingly, thinking about your fingers and the way you caressed my body
You can be as sexy and as bold as you want, just use a little discretion. If you send a photo I’d suggest a preliminary text that says, “photo on the way” so he knows to be ready. You don’t want his boss or someone else glancing over to see your new lacy ensemble.
Pay very careful attention to the address before you hit the ‘send’ button–heavens forbid you send a sexy note to the wrong person! Like your son, boss, mother or ex-boyfriend!
Warning: Once you’re sent your text it stays on his phone as long as he wants it to—you’ve lost control of your content. So make sure the recipient is someone you know well enough to trust. (Rational mature adults have been known to act stupid and display a lack of boundaries.)
The goal of sexting is to excite, to arouse, or to build a romantic or passionate connection between 2 people. It isn’t a valid substitute for real conversation or face-to-fact connections. You can build on that excitement when you’re together. View it as one of the many tools in your sexy toolbox.
You’re creating a fantasy while you hint at the possible, suggest, reveal and tease.
I shared one of my favorite moments in an earlier column; it’s a great example of the power of sexy texting. In anticipation of a date, I sent a text asking what time to expect him. He responded. I sent back a ‘looking forward to seeing you’ text. Then I waited a few seconds and sent ‘white lace’.
That was it. Nothing more. He got off work earlier than usual and was already visibly excited on his arrival. I got his mind working—I created the image and I set the scene. The text let him know that I was thinking about us. He knew that I was preparing to be with him and being intentional about showing off my sexy side.
Sometimes that’s the only kind of sexual foreplay a guy needs. What could be more powerful than knowing your woman is excited about being with you?
Next week: Five Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life