People have been masturbating since the beginning of time; in recent years there has been a movement to make masturbation a more visible and acceptable form of sexual expression. To learn more about National Masturbation Month, read this press release from Good Vibrations.
I prefer to use the term self-pleasuring, it sounds sexier and doesn’t evoke images of young schoolboys in locked bathrooms doing the naughty deed. Our culture has always viewed masturbation as a no-no. Remember the phrases, ‘you’ll go blind’ or ‘you’ll grow hair on your palm. The assumption was that men did this as a release. And only men. They needed it. Men couldn’t control their sexual urges so they were forced to masturbate around the clock. And women? We didn’t have sexual desires.
The truth is that we all engage in the act of self-pleasuring—or we should be. Young children instinctively reach for their genitals and discover that it feels good. But our mothers and fathers slapped hands, scolded, and told us how inappropriate it was to touch ourselves. We were discouraged from viewing our bodies as instruments of pleasure.
Flash forward 30-50 years and here we are with a national month for masturbating. Imagine the Hallmark card for that one! The first celebration was part protest, part savvy retail marketing—driven by one of the larger sex toy retailers. Putting that aside, it provides us with an opportunity to talk about sexuality in our culture today. And, it gives me a reason to tell you why I think we should be indulging in self-pleasuring.
- Self-pleasuring, for both sexes, is the quickest, safest and least complicated way to achieve a climax or simply enjoy pleasurable sensations.
- Women’s bodies are not as straightforward as men’s. Some of us have trouble achieving orgasm. Through self-pleasuring you can become acquainted with your clitoris, labia and vagina. You learn what areas feel good and how you like to be touched. Do you like a gentle fluttery touch or something firmer? Where exactly do you need to touch to get that breathless sensation? Do you need penetration as well as clitoral stimulation? You learn about your body and it’s responses through touch. And, you can then share that knowledge with a lover, spouse or whoever! (probably not your kids or your mother)
- Women who are single want and need sexual release. Self-pleasuring is ideal. It’s safe and satisfying when there is no suitable partner around.
- Sexuality starts in the brain for many women. When we think sexy thoughts we become aroused and more inclined to engage in sexual activity. It jumpstarts our libido. Self-pleasuring, at least for me, helps me feel sexier. It gets me thinking in a playful, sensual mood that can last all day!
- There are health benefits associated with sexual play. Some women experience a decrease in lubrication during menopause—the arousal that comes from sex with a partner, or solo sex produces natural secretions. Vaginal sexual activity helps to keep the vagina walls supple, which can reduce or prevent vaginal atrophy. Orgasms make us feel better, give us a spurt of energy, get our heart rate up a little and overall, contribute to a better outlook on life. FloLIving has more information on this.
The How-To’s of Self-Pleasuring It’s simple. On the most basic level all you need is a little lube and fingers. I’ve found that lubricant enhances the sensation, if you don’t use too much. Fingers and toys glide and it feels divinely silky. Give it a try. The goal of self-pleasuring can be orgasm or exploration and sensuous pleasure. I’ve found that when I’m less goal-oriented it’s a more satisfying experience. From personal experience I’ve found that using toys exclusively can make it harder for me to orgasm with a partner so I alternate. I’ve got some suggestions based on some of my favorites, with affiliate links to one of my favorite sex toy shops, Good Vibrations.
- For a fast, quick and surefire orgasm: The Magic Wand Vibrator (originally the Hitachi Magic Wand) —the Mac Daddy of vibrators. It’s extremely powerful, so I prefer to use it with a washcloth placed between the wand and my clit. (It works well for backaches as well!)
- If you want a toy that makes you feel like a sex goddess I’d suggest the JimmyJane Form Four. Mine’s pink. It’s sleek, sexy and waterproof. And, rechargeable with three speeds and three varieties of pulsations. It works externally or can be inserted. It’s one my occasional partner enjoys as well!
- Looking for something small and discreet? A basic vibrator isn’t very expensive and can be used internally or eternally. This might be a good “first vibrator” or a good addition to your sex toy box. Some of these vibrators are small enough for a partner to use the toy and along with finger or tongue play at the same time.
- The Rabbit Vibrator: A former boyfriend gave me the Sex and The City model—The Rabbit Hat Vibrator. I don’t really like it, but you might. It’s toy with 2 vibrator type features—one to insert and one for the clit. I find it too much work to get the ‘rabbit ears’ located where I want them. There are various models to choose from, with slightly different features. If I were going to try a different one, I’d probably choose the Ina 2.
Whether you use a toy or your own fingers, I encourage you to experiment with self-pleasuring. I love my afternoon play sessions! If you have a partner, he or she will love hearing that you’re taking time to satisfy your sexual urges. I think you’ll find an increase in desire for sex and your level of sexual responsiveness as you become better acquainted with your body.
On the other hand, if you’re single and in a dating relationship with a guy who can’t really figure out how to pleasure you, you might just dump him and buy yourself a new sex toy. I’ve had better sex with myself then some of the men I’ve found myself in bed with. And, when you’re done—wash up, put it in the back of the drawer and get on with your daily life!
How will you celebrate National Masturbation Month? I’m thinking I might have to make a few afternoon play dates with myself, my bottle of Sliquid organic lube, and my little satin bag of sex toys.
Next week: Sex- What Turns You Off? What Turns You On?