I would have sworn I had at least two more years before I needed to have my driver’s license renewed.

My doctor’s office informed me otherwise.

I went to the doctor a few weeks ago because I was in sinus infection and bronchitis hell. It was the first time I was in the office this year and I had to refill out a bunch of paperwork which is super annoying because it is 2017 and couldn’t they retain these forms digitally and I could give a new electronic signature each year?

If you work for a doctor’s office and have a perfectly reasonable explanation regarding this, I don’t want to hear it. I prefer to be annoyed by this once a year. It serves a purpose. I get annoyed by filling out the paperwork, then I think about doctor visits, and remember to schedule my mammogram. 

But I digress.

When I went to the doctor, the front desk person said I needed to show my new license.

Me: I don’t have a new license.

Front desk: Your license is expired.

Me: No it isn’t.

Front desk:…

Me: Oh. Hey. My license is expired.

I know I have six months before I would have to retake the test, but I know how quickly six months can pass. No one needs that kind of headache. So, being the responsible adult I am, I took my expired driver’s license to the BMV and got a new one less than 2 months after the old one expired.

I think I’m nearly ready to start giving “how to adult” classes. 

I took a number. 25. They called for number 7.

This is going to be a while. 

Did any people with numbers lower than mine have normal transactions to make? No. No they did not. Every person I saw go to the counter had some complicated issue which required massive research and a goat sacrifice.

Still, a long lunch in the BMV is better than a cubicle.

It came time to take the picture. Something I will not have to suffer through again until I’m 58.

Holy sh*t, I have no idea how I got this old. It’s f**king weird. 

Picture lady: Just look at the dot and smile.

Picture lady: Oookay. That one isn’t going to work. You closed your eyes.

Picture lady: Just look at the dot. Go ahead and smile.

Picture lady: Yeah, that one isn’t going to work, either.

Me: Did I close my eyes again?

Picture lady: Uh, No. That’s not the problem. Maybe, you should try not smiling.

We got an acceptable image on the third try.

I got back to work and told the network dude about the picture fiasco.

Network dude: Can I see your license?

Me: Sure.

Network dude: You look like you’re about to tell someone to f**k off.

I came home from work and told Randy the whole story. The long line, the picture fails, how my picture looks like I’m super annoyed.

Randy: Let me see it.

Randy: I like this picture. I think it’s pretty.

Me: Don’t you think I look super annoyed?

Randy: I don’t know. I think you look the way you usually look.



Me: I’m not always with you.


So consider this a PSA from me to you. Check your license, more time has probably passed than you think. Also, just give up on looking good for your photo. It will never happen.  It can, however, be a handy reminder of what your resting bitch face looks like.

My License Picture After 50 Looks Like Resting Bitch Face was last modified: by

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