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Girls can we talk about our never-ending search for functional and wearable undergarments. Serving this need is that venerable institution in Brookline known as Lady Grace. I make a tri-annual visit there once my bras have reached the hammock stage. This year I surveyed their vast array of goods with my usual bewilderment. I asked one of the clerks, who, like her co-workers, was certainly not a day under 60, for help finding a suitable bra. (Evidently the job requires at least a 40-year career to master.) This was actually my second trip in 2 weeks; the previous clerk had not been up to the challenge, so I was back to return her selection.

I explained the situation to my new confidante. Determined to succeed where others had failed, she trained her X-ray vision on my chest. Struck with sudden inspiration, she announced to me and the semi-circle of her peers who had gathered around us, “I’d put you in a whole different size!”

I was dubious about this novel approach –I was pretty sure I knew my size. She snapped up the Chosen One and I followed her into the fitting room. There she deftly strapped me into a 78-dollar “Triple D” Chantelle, which, she proclaimed, as though she had achieved the highest goal of her calling, gave me “PROJECTION!!” I thought: “My God! For 78 dollars, it should sculpt me into the form of Venus and make a love-slave out of every man who sees me! They will be cross-eyed with lust!”

Unfortunately, I never had the opportunity to enjoy this effect. I cannot reconcile myself to my sudden upgrade–to being a “triple” anything. I have never thought of myself as being freakishly well-endowed, and neither, I hope, has anyone else. Call it modesty, but such a size, on a person of my 5’4″ stature, just seems wrong!

So, despite its transformational powers, the item resides in my top drawer and has never found its way out. I’m working up the courage to return it and try again.

It’s much like the quest for the Holy Grail, which was, in fact, also a search for that perfect, most-coveted “cup”!

Happy hunting to you!

My Bra Fitting Nightmare was last modified: by

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