I recently discovered a dating coach on social media who put out a challenge — a kind of manifestation. She said, “instead of being discouraged by the stupid shit men do [my words, not verbatim from the dating coach], focus on the behaviors you like, and say to the Universe ‘Yes, please! More of THAT!’” I liked this idea of giving a thumbs-up on what worked instead of kvetching on the negative. Too many times I’ve shaken my head feeling discouraged, frustrated, and sometimes, downright pissy about dating.

For example, texting with obtuse men like Michael on dating apps.

Michael: How’s your day so far babe?

Me: Good! Thanks. Isn’t it a bit premature to use “babe” before we’ve even met? 😉

Michael: Babe, it’s nothing. It’s just a name to show how much I appreciate you.

Well, I hope you appreciate this, Michael: *Unmatch.* Oh Universe? No more pet names, please.

Since then, I’ve focused on the times men have made me feel good.

Like Charlie who I could make laugh so hard, he’d practically fall out of his seat. And, when I whined about my ex-husband’s new girlfriend, he had the perfect come back: “I can’t stand her, and I’ve never even met her.” More of THAT kind of support, please.

With Ian, whenever we went out, he’d say, “you look sophisticated, youthful, and urban. Perfect for today’s activity.” Then he’d add, “we should squeeze in a snack at some point today so you’re not hangry later.” Yes! You get me, Ian! More of that, please.

Young Stephen would catch me off guard after one of my passionate monologues about art, or writing, or finding the perfect ricotta pancake. He’d say, “that’s so sexy. I want to make out with you right now.” It also helped that he had a kick-ass physique. Hear this Universe: give me more surprises like that, please.

Lenny and I would have deep philosophical discussions about things like feminism or interracial dating. At an art exhibition, he called me over. “Let’s discuss this,” he said pointing to a large industrial drum filled with old clothes. I read the label out loud. “That description is more creative than this art,” he said. I laughed in agreement. More conversations like that, please.

After our second date, John sent me roses a few days before Valentine’s Day. He knew I’d be out of town on the holiday and wanted me to enjoy them before I left. I want more thoughtfulness, please!

Give me less of Thomas who texted two hours before our date to ask, you have any suggestions for a good place to meet? Instead, give me more of David who set a day, time, and four great options of where to go, days ahead. Yes! Send me a man with a plan, please!

Reflecting on these occasions has made me realize how fortunate I’ve been. I wish I could take all the good parts of these men — humor, support, kindness, sexiness, intellect, forethought — and shape them into the perfect man for me. *sigh*

While I wait for the Universe to do its job, for now I will appreciate the guy behind the counter at my neighborhood diner. He greets me with a smile and asks, “the usual?” I have no idea what his name is, but he always gives me a free iced tea to-go on my way out. Universe, I’ll take more of that, thank you. 

“More of THAT, Please.” An Exercise in Manifesting the Perfect Guy for Me was last modified: by

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