Jokes Women Over 50 Can Remember

I can’t remember jokes. I think it’s a gender thing, at least that’s what I tell myself. Or, maybe you have to be born with a joke gene.

I usually hold my breath when I listen to stand up comedians at comedy clubs and even joke tellers at our dinner table.  I want them to succeed. I think it is a courageous thing to put yourself out there knowing that your audience may pan you but you are still willing to try. Because I get the vulnerability thing, I’m a ready, willing and supportive listener to joke tellers bad and good, I want them to keep trying. I just love that people put themselves out there to give us all a little something to laugh about.

There’s nothing like a friend that can make us laugh. It turns out those friends are good for our brains and make us happier because it’s scientifically proven that smiling and laughing floods dopamine through our veins.

This past weekend we were on a dopamine high from so much laughing. We were lucky to have a  guest with a fantastic sense of humor who is an awesome raconteur and definitely possesses the joke gene. Comedy Central, SNL, Seth Meyers and Colbert are one thing,  but we expect those folks to be funny.  But real time humor at home, at our dinner table, is the best.  With our daily onslaught of disturbing news a good laugh goes way beyond the Chardonnay as a spirit enhancement.

I don’t know many women who tell jokes, mostly men. I think there’s a stat about that. However, when I come across a woman who tells a good one, I’m not only impressed, I’m joyful. This past weekend, our friend code name Dee, kept us rolling in our seats and was willing to share a couple with us on the site.

Hope you have fun with these:

1. Arnold Palmer was driving a huge, fancy Mercedes.  He stopped for gas and the young gas station attendant recognized him immediately, but was as impressed with seeing the world’s most famous golfer as he was with the ultra luxurious car.  When the tank was full, Arnie reached into his pocket to get his money and some of the things in his pocket fell out.  The gas station attendant picked up the tee from the ground and asked “what’s this?”  “It’s a tee,” Palmer said.  “What’s it for” the kid asked.  “I put my balls on it when I drive.” Visibly impressed, the kid said  “Gosh — those Germans think of everything.”
2. A man goes to the golf course after work to play by himself.  The starter asks if he’d mind being paired up with a woman, who he assured him played quite well.  They played 18 holes and had a great time.  The next day, he showed up at the course and, once again, was paired with the woman.  This went on for a week.  They ended up having a drink one night, dinner another and eventually returned to his house where she gave him a mind blowing BJ.  They continued in this way for a month.  Finally, he told her that he’d like to have intercourse with her, rather than her just performing oral sex.  She explained she couldn’t because she was transgender and her gender reassignment surgery wasn’t complete.  “You’re not a woman?” he yelled.  “No, I’m a woman, I just don’t have all the right parts yet.”  “You sonofabitch” he said “I’ve been letting you play from the red tees.”
3. Three men died, but before God would let them into heaven, God gave them a chance to come back as anything they wanted.  The first guy said, “I want to come back as myself, but 100 times smarter.” So God made him 100 times smarter. The second guy said, “I want to be better than that guy, make me 1000 times smarter.” So God made him 1000 times smarter.  The last guy decided he would be the best. So he said, “God, make me better than both of them, make me 1,000,000 times smarter.”   So God made him a woman.
4. When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the American ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table the Ambassador’s wife was talking with Madame deGaulle.
   “Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and International scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?”
   “A penis,” replied Madame deGaulle.
   A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer…and no one knew what to say next.
   Finally, Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said,
   “Ma cherie, I believe zee Americans pronounce zat word, ‘appiness.

And if you want more jokes we think you can remember check these out…

Got a good joke you want to share…we’d love to hear it.