I’ve Gained Weight, But I Can Still Feel Sexy!

Why is it “Courageous” for us to be seen in our real bodies?

I’m feeling fat, and plush, and provocative, even though I gained weight in the year of my sister’s dying from metastatic breast cancer.

It felt bold to stand in front of Laika Estime‘s lens and tell her NOT to hide my belly at The Back to The Body Retreat For Women. 

Just as I felt conflicted about seeing these images of me.  Yes, at first it was hard to look.

I guess, because like so many other women; I’m always on some level at war with what society tells me is hot and how I actually feel in my body.

This is what I know to be true about women who are called fat in our society:

When a curvy woman reveals herself as sexy, raw and wild, it’s seen as radical and provocative.  I say; let’s do it a lot.

So here are the images. They’re provocative.

They are not photo-shopped. They are real — like me.

Maybe by sharing them, perhaps the images will inspire you in some way that I cannot predict.

For me, it’s still freaking courageous. And why is that? Why should a woman who is fat or curvy or whatever have to feel courageous to show herself as sexy?

Why is that very act provocative?

Obviously, I’m FEELING sexy in these pictures. I’m totally wanting to express my desire to allow myself to be seen as erotic in all of my expressions of me.  I am literally “in my body” and enjoying myself deeply.

So, no matter how someone else might see me or judge me; what is true for me is that my sexuality and my erotic creature does not change even if my body evokes and shifts. I am always me. Just as you are always you whether you have gained or lost a lot of weight, had surgery or grew stretch marks.

So….I bring you… Pamela Madsen, early 50’s, and really curvy, being real in my erotic expression.

Thank you LAIKA ESTIME PHOTOGRAPHIE. Laika is based in NYC. Check her out.

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