Here are my new rules for 2016:
If I forget my password, ask me my secret question RIGHT AWAY. Don’t make me change my password each time I screw up so I need a password-protected app to keep track of them. And don’t make me prove I’m human by reading a jumble of letters and numbers in crazy fonts on a blotchy background. I proved I’m human by forgetting my password!
Live Chat online “assistants” would be programmed to write, “Seriously, you can’t expect to get answers this way. Bite the bullet and call tech support.”
When you call tech support you’d convince them that you’re the account holder once – that’s right, once; they’re techies, can’t they share your information?
After you escape from voice-jail, the tech support “first responder” would listen to your problem, then say: “I have no clue how to help you. I’ll transfer you to someone who might.” If that person can’t help, the call would go to the CEO.
If Siri can understand what I’m saying, companies must let me tell them why I’m calling. Spare me the endless loop of choices I don’t want. Imagine a restaurant server rattling off everything on the menu before asking the customer what they’d like to order.
Cable companies, stop offering service upgrades or hawking new features before I can watch a show. Tread lightly when creating barriers between me and my must see TV.
Don’t bury the lead! Utility companies, pretend you value human life. Tell callers, “If this is a life-threatening emergency, press or say 1.” Bump “If you’re calling about employment” to Option 2. That goes for non-emergency police numbers, too. What public servant thought anything should come before “If this is an emergency, hang up and call 911?”
If I click “unsubscribe,” just do it.
Don’t tease me, “Do not call or mail lists.” You were never serious, right?