If My Dog Could Talk These Would Be Her Resolutions

My dog Jazz actually does talk…I’m sure of it. Jazz is a cockapoo and is going to be 12 years old in January. She is quite expressive and moves her mouth when she wants to get her point across. (see video below).

She is always trying to improve her behavior to please me and I know that if she could talk (in a way that we all could hear her), this would be what she would say about stuff she could work on in 2017.

Jazz’s New Year’s Resolutions:

1. I will try not to eat the mail the postman puts through the mail slot….but you got to admit it’s pretty funny. I am sorry I ate the invitation to that wedding and I will try to be more discerning about junk vs. quality mail in 2017.

2. I promise not to bury my bone behind your pillow because I guess you think it’s smelly. (It’s so NOT).  I know you like clean sheets. SORRY! The truth is, it makes me feel connected to you when you’re not home.

3. I’m sorry I hide your running shoe, I will try not to, but to be fair….I have my reasons.

4. Ok, since it’s New Years, I will confess that I hide your running shoe, because I secretly hope you will ask me where it is and once I show you, thrilled you cannot resist taking me on a walkie.

5. I will not pee on the new designer rug even though your friend’s dog did. I know you expect better of me….I will try to do better in 2017.

6. I will stop trying to chew the GPS TILE off my collar… I know you worry i’m going to get lost but it’s a bit cumbersome. I mean how would you feel with an “idiot” chip hanging off of your neck. It’s not my fault that you forget where I am sometimes. I actually think you should put a TILE on so I know where you are…I get kind of sick of wondering where you are all day. You know it’s a bit lonely when you’re not here. Sorry I better resolve to stop sulking too.

7. I really appreciate you allowing me the couch arm for daytime naps. I do love the powder blue blanket that you have draped lovingly for me. I think it’s quite decadent.. In appreciation, I will try not to drool so much all over it in the New Year.

8. I promise not to be offended by your ageism comments. I know you talk about my age because you are anxious that I am going to die. I know I’m going to be 12, don’t rub it in. I will keep pretending I can’t understand you and fake making a wee wee when you tell me to “hurry up old girl.” I simply don’t want to be rushed. (how would you like it if I scooted you along— you’re not so young yourself). I resolve to ignore you on this topic in 2017.

9. I will try to stop barking for a cookie every time you come in the house, but frankly I think you should give me a treat for leaving me home alone which makes me irritable. I will try to be more grateful in 2017 that you actually do in fact come home eventually and have not forgotten about me. I will practice doing the basic greeting… I’ll just wag my tail and lick you.

10. I will try to make it to the end of an episode when you are Binge watching but sometimes I just have to pee. I know you are addicted to SHAMELESS but honestly, I got to go when I got to go. I will try to be more cognizant as I know you are “hooked.” Besides, binge watching works for me as it keeps you on the couch longer. Did I mention, I love your company.

11. You’re not the only one who loves to shop. I admit to enjoying a bit of retail therapy myself. When you took me shoe shopping last week, I loved it. Those ladies at Nordstrom’s were lovely. They just adored me and couldn’t stop petting me. I am hoping you will make a resolution to let me go shopping with you more often. PS., I’m glad you didn’t buy any of those shoes…they were hideous.

Have a great New Year Mom. I know you forgive me for everything I ever do and I want you to know how much I appreciate your love. I think I’ve trained you pretty well.

Love, Jazzy