I love free samples. I collect them. So it wasn’t unusual when I saw a lovely sample package of cream on my kitchen counter. Distractedly as I watched last night’s SNL on you tube, I gently and mindlessly squeezed the cream out of the little sample packet and smeared it all over my face. And then, I froze and gasped…
“Whaaat is that smell? Why is my face tingling? What is this sh****t? Is that just bad aromatherapy or what did I just put on my face?”
I squinted at the small print on the empty sample. Mary’s Muscle Freeze!!!! Holy shi####t! Did I just put Ben Gay or some kind of muscle relaxer on my face?
I raced to the bathroom fearing I would see a self induced facial stroke but was relieved that my cheek didn’t look any more saggy, or did it? I cleansed my face with my Cetaphil natural face wash and continued to examine. And then the numbness set in around my lip, near my eye, and my cheek. My cheek was flushed.
I grabbed my glasses and the fine print on the packet came into full focus. Mary’s Nutritional CBD Hemp cream with lidocaine. OMG, I need to call the company hot line? What have I done? Have I numbed and drugged my face? Will my body absorb this stuff and get me high? What does stoned skin look like?”
I put in a call to the company but as it was only 8:30 am, no one answered so I left a rather urgent message pleading for a call back ASAP due to a product application mishap and waited for a call back.
In the interim, I tried not to look in the mirror. But I couldn’t resist. My cheek was red and swollen and slightly numb to the touch as was my lip. I was drooling out of the corner of my mouth. Oh No! How long will this last? Is this like mistakingly eating a gummy thinking it’s a jelly bean… was I in for a trippy kind of day?
“Lucy, you got some splaining to do.”
Bill, I said to my husband, “I really screwed up…. my face is completely stoned!”
Half listening he responded calmly, “Does it feel good, that’s funny, don’t worry, you’ll be fine. You look great.”
I had once again earned my nickname Lucy. I started laughing, really laughing. I had a full visual of the 2020 version of Lucy shoving chocolates into her cheeks off the conveyor belt but they weren’t chocolates, they were gummies and CBD cream. She was madly filling her mouth with the chewies and rubbing CBD cream all over her face and suddenly collapsing into a catatonic state!
“Well, I’m on that Lucy train now…”
My phone rang, at 9 am sharp, apparently the hotline was open.
“Hello, hello, can you help me? I think I screwed up with one of your creams.”
Christian from Cannabuddy.com calmly introduced and qualified himself as the man in charge. He had a very soothing voice and explained he was the owner and that his company tries all the products to make sure they are safe so not to worry.
When I gave him all the details of my mishap, he was polite not to Laugh Out Loud at me.
He calmly explained, “This is the first time we have had an issue like this. But, I don’t think there’s cause to worry. Frankly, I’m sorry you didn’t get our Queen Hemp Company’s facial lotion and scrub instead of the muscle relief. I think you would have really enjoyed that. You know the CBD in those lotions apparently help with cell repair.”
“Well, I wish I got that too, but when will I be able to feel my face?”
“Well, soon, it won’t be long. Just relax. You will be fine. The CBD people cleary have drunk the koolaid. He continued, “Cannabuddy, makes your face tingly. It’s good for your skin. CBD actually creates skin repair. CBD will not get you high, THC is psychoactive and not the CBD. The lidocaine will wear off.”
And then Christian and I had the most informative conversation about CBD’s. I had a lot to learn. Apparently CBD is great for mood elevators and antidepressants, anxiety and stress.
“Really, wow, this is a whole new world. I had no idea. I need to explore your line of products.”
He continued, “Among the over 50 market sleep is a huge topic as I am sure you are aware. Our most popular product is the nighttime gummies which have CBD and melotonin.”
I could feel the blood starting to circulate in my face as we talked and my rubber lips regained their composure.
I would like to order some of that Queen Hemp cell repair without the lidocaine and a bottle of gummies. I noticed I had drooled onto my computer keys. (Oh dear, I am clearly not recovered yet),
Christian added, if my readers were interested in his products, he would give us all a 20% discount by using the code: Betterafter50.
Well alls well that ends well.
PS (This is a true story and my face looked fuller and healthier later that day.)