Hysterical Truisms About Chicks and Dicks

Here’s what I came up with:

• We like to be touched
• We rise to the occasion
• We can react without thinking
• We’re often considered the brains of the operation
• We like to hang around with nuts
• We’re (almost) always up for a good time
• Friction can make us explode
• Sometimes we need protection
• We can be hard and abrasive, or soft and pliable
• We can be a source of both pleasure and pain
• We have a mind of our own
• We know what makes us happy
• We don’t like to be rushed
• Sometimes we like to just hang out in comfy, loose-fitting clothes
• At other times, we like the support that snug-fitting undergarments can provide
• Sometimes we get the short end of the stick
• People closest to us often give us nicknames
• If we’re tired or distracted, it can take extra effort for us to sit up straight
• We like to be desired
• We tend to stand taller when someone we’re attracted to pays attention to us
• Sometimes we need medication in order to function
• Alcohol impairs our ability to do our jobs
• We perform better after a good night’s sleep
• There are times we like to be the center of attention
• As we get older, we’re not as firm as we used to be
• Sometimes we insert ourselves where we don’t belong
• People tend to judge us based on our size
• Sometimes we like to get dressed up
• We can bend only so far before we break
• We can get too big for our britches at times
• Sometimes it doesn’t take much to set us off
• We can both wear lipstick
• We can communicate without saying a word; in fact, you often simply have to look at us to know what we’re feeling
• We don’t like to be called “cute” or “adorable”
• We like happy endings

Granted, there also are myriad ways in which women and penises are different. For example:

• Thanks to the women’s movement we boomers advanced (you’re welcome), women today are capable of virtually any personal or professional undertaking, while the purpose of a penis pretty much remains limited to peeing, procreation and pleasure
• Only a handful of slang words for women’s genitalia are used as epithets or verbs, while the list of same based on the male appendage is considerably longer
• Women are people and—despite some largely male perceptions to the contrary—penises are not

But in a world filled with so much trouble and strife—including between the sexes—shouldn’t we be mindful of our commonalities instead of our differences? To that end, ladies and gents:

Let’s celebrate our
similarities; that’s the
long and short of it.

So what do you think? Are there other traits you think women have in common with the male member? Notable ways in which we’re different? Please share!