I was walking down the street feeling stunningly empty. No thoughts were rushing through my forever busy mind. No feelings were attached. I felt nothing at all. The kids were laughing loudly in Hyde park chasing each other; it was sunny and warm. The spring was in its full swing, and I could feel all the smells of blooming pink trees and flowers feeling my nostrils with each desperately taken breath. I was breathing it all in… and yet I felt – nothing.
Aliveness and its delicious electricity that used to run all through my veins and every cell of my being seized to show up! I was walking down the street feeling a bit lost and out of place. It was crowded, like never before, and yet I felt lonely. I felt isolated. Alone with myself.
“What time is now” – Some stranger asked passing by. “It’s time to live (out loud)… “ – I responded. He raised his eyebrows in mere disbelief and then kept on walking probably thinking I was a manic street preacher about to jump into a meaningful conversation… a meaningful conversation – something that often seems to be so out of place these days…… these days – when it’s “best” to keep yourself under cover of perpetual gladness filtered beyond recognition in one of those apps we tend to be so fond of… to share our daily lives, where in fact, we share nothing at all…. nothing at all. How can I live my life out loud turning into a legend when I don’t even feel alive? How could I be a guide, a mentor to so many people reaching out to me, trying to follow my vision, when am lost and not even sure when am going?