I only recently became a full fledged, card carrying Sex Goddess. It’s a new role for me in life — and I began my transformation in my early forties. And now that I am 50, it’s off the charts. Oh — and I am “curvy” — and stand about 5 feet-three inches tall. What? You don’t think I am Sex Goddess material? Well, guess again. And you can be one too. Because it really doesn’t have a thing to with “natural beauty” or long legs — Sex Goddesses are often awakened — and they can come in some pretty surprising packages. So how do you get there, you might ask?
The first thing to do is clean house and get rid of all the self loathing talk. You know what I am talking about — all those hateful remarks that you say to yourself when you think that nobody is looking. And what about those swipes that we take at ourselves out loud with self deprecating humor? No more “Yeah, well if I looked like her — maybe!” Or, “Whose looking at me anyway?” I am so done with it. It’s out of here — how about you? A Sex Goddess would never, ever say those things about herself. So stop it, and stop your girlfriends when they start doing it, because you know they will. It’s a bad influence on your Sex Goddessness.
Clean out the painful stories that we tell ourselves about our bodies and our self worth. The single most important thing that I have learned on my way to becoming a Sex Goddess is that we can’t get where we are going unless we are not only grounded in our bodies, but in a place of loving ourselves from the inside out.
I have an ongoing personal “hate my body” garage sale, and you know what? I still have items that need to get off the shelf and out the door. The barrage of incoming data of why I should be dissatisfied with myself is constant, and trust me, the negative messages do creep in. It is like the dust on my furniture — no matter how much I clean, if I am not constantly vigilant, it covers everything again.
None of this is new for any of us. In my case, body image issues have haunted me my entire life. I am an expert on making my backside the butt of most jokes. Oh yeah, I am funny. But I am really hurting myself every time I crack a joke about my body. Learning to love myself was something that was hard for me to do. It didn’t matter what I had “accomplished” — none of that mattered.
Deep inside I was wounded as a feminine being. Is any of this familiar to you? Come on, I know that you have most likely read much of this stuff before — you know what I am talking about, just like you know how you take your tea or coffee. We have all heard it before (was it on Oprah?), on how all women share this great big collective consciousness filled with a legacy of apologizing for ourselves — and our actions. We know that somehow, without our consent or even our knowledge — we have somehow been shaped as sexual beings through the sexual ideals of whatever men thought we should be. One year we are Madonnas, the next year we are Cougars.
I don’t know about you, but I am ready for all of us to have one great big collective consciousness garage sale! Let’s get rid of the junk! Do we really have to carry this around with us any longer? It is all so last century — or was it the century before that?
How about turning that old tired place of disconnection from our bodies, to being in a place of self loving, self healing and sexy self empowerment? Yeah, I know that you have probably heard something like that before. But hang in there with me.
This is not a make over. We are already here. I am going to be talking about creating a more sensual you. I want to introduce you to what I think are some basic foundation exercises that I used to get myself into those stilettos. I know at first you will not want to do them, but after a month or so of these exercises they will turn into practices. You will simply start to incorporate exercises into your life where ever you are — and you will figure it out!
We are starting from the inside out. Because sexy is as sexy feels! And you can create that new place in your life where there is a swish to your hips and a kick to your step. So check my little list of recommendations, and then try them on again, and again, and again. Who knows what will shift in your life?
1. Take five minutes and get naked alone. That’s right. Clear out the house so that you feel safe if you don’t have a private place in your home. Get naked and get comfortable. Put on some music if that helps. Don’t worry — I am not asking you to look yet! I am asking you to simply feel your body. You should be somewhere comfortable — your bed or even a warm bath. Close your eyes and empty your mind. Let your hands wander over your entire body. Feel how beautiful your hair is. Let your hands run over your curves, your breasts, your hips. Pay attention to your body, the texture of your skin. If your own touch is giving you pleasure, you get extra bonus points! Sigh into that feeling of pleasure. Feel your breath. Feel the pleasure that your body can give you just the way it is right now through your own hands. Take the time to feel your body in a conscious way.
Now comes the part that may be harder for some of us than others: tell your body kind things. Give your body compliments. It’s okay if you don’t quite believe them yet. Just do it. You could thank your body for being so brave trying to get pregnant, giving birth, running that marathon or even getting up this morning and facing the day! You can admire how beautiful the curve of your bottom feels in your hand. Tell your breasts that they are fabulous — admire your arms and the dimple in your cheek. You get the idea. You can do this — free form, your own way — five minutes every day for a month. All your parts.
Find the time and see what shifts for you in your life. After a month passes, do this exercise whenever you think about it. That is what I mean about turning it into a practice. After a while you will begin to do this on your own without much thought. You may find yourself doing this in bed when you wake up or as you fall asleep. Either way, it is a great way to start or end the day. My favorite time is while soaping up in the shower!
2. Go on, take a peek — it’s mirror time! And yes, this involves nudity. Now I have to be honest — this was and still is a tough one for me. For me, it is easier to feel than to look. But trust me, this does get easier.
Once again, you need privacy and five whole minutes. Once you cleared out the private space and time, stand naked in front of a full length mirror and look. Start at your face and work your way down. You can use your eyes and your hands — whatever is comfortable to you. Once again, it is time to tell your body kind things. Are your eyes a beautiful color? Then say it. Tell you body loving things. The compliments can be about performance, physical appearance — whatever comes to mind. But I want you to focus on how your body pleases you and gives you pleasure. Remember you can do this! And it’s only five minutes. I started this practice three years ago. I started with five minutes every day — just like the “feeling” practice. I still do both exercises every week. Remember the dust? It gathers!
3. Take a look at the different images of feminine beauty throughout the ages. Allow yourself to feel the sensuality of different body types. I am round and curvy. I love looking at the images of women during the time of ancient Rome. Take a walk in a museum and take a look at images of female beauty through out the ages. I love the images of the Goddesses painted on the ceilings of cathedrals. If I squint my eyes really, really hard, they kind of look like me! Perhaps you are tall, thin and small breasted? Pick up a fashion magazine and take yourself in. Allow yourself to expand your own perception of female body.
4. Go shopping. Your assignment? Buy some sexy underwear! That’s right — and this is for you. You are not buying for anybody else. What can you wear to work, shopping, or even to a PTA meeting that will make you walk with that special knowledge that you are a hot thing? Is it pull up black stockings? A rhinestone bra? Go get it — and put it on. You will be surprised how good it can make you feel.
5. Do something different. Create a pleasure plan. Go on an adventure. Use up what is in your box before you take it to your box!
I hope that you try some of these idea on. I hope that I can inspire you — and if I see a sexy lady on the street that has a smile behind her eyes, I will wonder if it is you.