178523173“Iris” is a 53 year-old divorcee who’s been single for 23 years. She recently had two relationships, one after the other, each one lasting 6-7 months. Both men said they loved her and wanted to be with her forever. Months later, they both walked away. She asks, “How do I make a man commit to me?”

Iris is a beautiful woman who’s having trouble finding a man who is a “keeper”. She loves to dance and keeps herself very fit. I can see why men would be attracted to her. But she is tired of opening her heart, only to be disappointed again and again. It can be confusing and heartbreaking when a man confesses his “forever love” and then disappears.

Has this ever happened to you? While there is no excuse for men who suddenly walk away from a relationship without an explanation, there is something you can do to have more success in your relationships. If men have consistently treated you poorly, there is a pattern worth exploring. After all, you are the only person consistent in all your past relationships. So, I suggest looking within to see if there’s something you may be doing that pushes a man away.

Only you will know for sure what that is. Iris had a pattern of overextending herself for the men in her life but withholding her own needs for the first few months. When she finally asked for what she wanted, she did it with anger and resentment. Why couldn’t her boyfriends read her mind and sense what she needed? She gave and gave, but didn’t ask for much in return. Because she was suffering in silence, the men believed everything was fine. Imagine their surprise when she spewed a litany of complaints.  She was pushy. She nagged. Too much drama! No wonder they left.

One of the biggest turnoffs is when a man senses that a woman is needy or too high maintenance. When you don’t hear from the man you’re dating, do you call or text several times a day? Do you try and push him to commit to you after a few months of dating? Are you whiny when you don’t get your way, or do you know how to calmly express your feelings with a level-head?

Iris asks, “How do I make a man commit to me?” You can’t force anyone to commit. A man has to want to be exclusive, in his own time. The more pushy and anxious you get, the more he will run away. And would you really want a man to commit to the relationship because he felt coerced by you? He would eventually grow resentful, and that would come back to bite you one day.

Here’s what you can do. Nothing. Just be. Be a woman of high value. Don’t sleep with him before YOU’RE ready. If you need monogamy before sex, tell him. Be the woman who inspires a man to want to commit. At the start of a relationship, be clear about your relationship standards.

Don’t be afraid to find out if he wants a long-term relationship or is happy playing the field. You want to be sure you’re on the same page. If not, walk away now and find a man who wants what you want. Find a man who will cherish you. That’s the man who won’t suddenly disappear.

The most empowering thing you can do in any relationship is to first be true to yourself. Take back your power. Don’t try to force a man to do anything. But do let him know what you want. There’s nothing more attractive than a woman who values herself and can communicate her needs to a man without nagging. You’ll feel so much better when you know what you want and don’t settle for less. You’ll be much less anxious. And the next guy just might be your “forever love”.


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