How Can You Tell He’s Just Not That Into You?

Dear Sandy, This Friday night, I’ll be going on a third date with a man I met on OkCupid. I really like this guy, but I’m concerned. I noticed he’s online 2 or 3 times a day. I login through an empty profile to check, so I’m not visible. If he’s logging in so often, it must mean he’s not really that interested in me, right? It’s particularly confusing, because last week he had taken down his profile, and now he is very active again. Should I confront him about this? How can you tell if a guy’s just not that into you? Holly

Dear Holly, When a man logs into a dating site a few times a day, it could mean any number of things. Maybe he’s still exploring his options, which is healthy after only two dates. Perhaps he’s getting many emails a day, which most men do, and he’s checking his inbox. Does it really matter why he’s logging in? You’ve only dated him twice. If he shut down his profile now, I’d be concerned. My question for you is, if you’re logging in, why shouldn’t he?

Think he’s just not that into you? If you’ve just started dating him and you’re not in a committed relationship, I don’t believe either one of you should shut down options and take down your profiles. That would be premature. It’s wise to keep your profiles and options open until you’ve spent enough time together to decide that you both want to be exclusive. That’s when you have the talk about taking profiles down.

I am not sure why he took down his profile last week. It sounds a bit odd to me, but I can pretty much guarantee that it has nothing to do with his commitment to you this early on in your courtship. Nor should you take it as a sign that he’s just not that into you. Don’t over-think it and don’t make assumptions.

Just enjoy being with him when you get together Friday night for your third date. See how you feel after that date. You may decide you want to see him again, or that he’s not for you and you want to say goodbye. You need time to decide if there is potential for a relationship. That could take weeks or even a few months.

In the meantime, be an easy breezy high value woman. Just enjoy getting to know him. Stay as present as you can, and don’t focus on the future. Remember that the initial stages of dating are just to decide if you want another date, not a husband or a boyfriend yet. Please remember to have fun!

Lots of love, Sandy

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