What if the best gift you could give (or receive) this Valentine’s Day was the gift of presence?
Gifts, gifts, gifts. It’s all we see on television this week in the final push to Valentine’s Day. It’s enough to make one want to swear off the whole notion of a romantic celebration. I tend to mute the television for ads but I happened to watch an ad for a jewelry store that caught my eye.
Visualize a man and woman in crowded café. He’s trying to talk to his female companion but she won’t look up from her smart phone. As he scans the room he notices that everyone is looking at their phone, pad or computer. So he gets his phone out and texts, asking her to “look up at me”. She looks up and he hands her a jewelry box. And they lived happily ever after.
Dr. Lyn Bower of the Women’s Learning Studio, wrote an article on internet overload and overuse called, Does Your Valentine Need The Gift of Your Presence that caught my eye. I’m borrowing her title to talk about sex and relationships.
What if the best gift you could give (or receive) this Valentine’s Day was the gift of presence? Presence, as in paying full attention to your lover. Seeing him, feeling his touch with every cell in your skin, talking to him about the things that matter to him and to you. What if your lover bought you, not a chocolate diamond from Jared’s, but a vow to be fully present in your life together? Wouldn’t that have more value than a trinket in a box?
In a world of multi-tasking and disconnected interactions we aren’t in touch with each other. We aren’t even in touch with our own bodies. Have you ever been in the shower, thinking about the day’s busy to-do list, and wondering if you’ve already scrubbed your back? And, what about in bed with your partner? Are you tuned in to the sensation of his fingers brushing along your skin? How does his breathing sound as he comes closer to a climax? Does it change; does he gasp or moan? Are you paying attention to the important details?
Imagine how delightful it would be to have a lover so tuned in that he knew each pleasure zone on your body. He can tell when you’re getting closer to orgasm because he’s listening to your breathing. He can see and feel the changes in your body, your genitals. He’s present to the full experience.
If that’s not the kind of sensuous lovemaking you currently experience, why not change it this week? Consider the experience of being naked with your partner as a moment to be savored and cherished. Make it a feast. Tell him or her you want to have sex like you’ve never done before. And, then set out to explore, using all your senses.
Making love to someone requires our complete and total attention. It’s the best way to get the most pleasure for ourselves. And, it is the best gift you can give a lover. What you’re saying with this kind of presence is I love you and I care enough to give myself over to you and this moment completely. It makes for a very intoxicating, intimate gift. Money can’t buy that kind of Valentine’s Day present.