Whether you’ve been married three years, 13 or 30, fireworks in the bedroom can go from a boom to a fizzle if you don’t make a conscious effort to keep things exciting.

What is taking power out of your passion? The middle-aged couple may find that career demands and teen-aged kids get in between them and a satisfying sex life.  The older couple may be dealing with health issues, retirement adjustments and just plain boredom. No matter what the reason, an unsatisfying sex life almost always leads to an unhappy marriage and in many cases, divorce.

Why?  Because sex is not only the ultimate expression of love between a husband and wife. On a more practical level, it is what allows them to tolerate each other day in and day out for years, decades and a lifetime.  During the sex act, chemicals and hormones are released in the brain and body engendering feelings of connection, caring and closeness between a husband and wife.  Without that brain chemical lubricant, spouses tend to get on each others’ nerves.

There is lots of help out there for couples struggling with their sex lives.  Here we will deal with just one technique for striking the match and reigniting your love-making…using your memories.

Evocative Memories
Chances are, when you were newlyweds you couldn’t get enough of each other.  Sex was frequent and urgent.  Spontaneity was the name of the game.  Yet the majority of marriages can’t maintain that kind of passion.  Life gets in the way.

But that doesn’t mean the early days of your marriage are lost.  Those memories are a tremendous resource for you as a couple when you need to re-spark your sex life.  Memories are powerful…particularly sense memories such as touch, taste and smell.  Just talking with each other about those memories will often bring back some of the feelings you felt in the early years of your marriage.

Here are some discussion questions to use as a couple.  Try to find a quiet time at least once a week to share your questions and answers with each other.  You may be surprised at your partner’s answers in some cases.  You may share thoughts and feelings you never have shared before.  Don’t make fun of your spouse’s answers, and be sure to listen with your entire being.  Chances are these questions will bring you closer together.

  1. What was it that first attracted you to me?  Was it something about my physical appearance, something I said or something I did?
  2. What do you think first attracted me to you?
  3. What do you remember about our first kiss?  Did you feel awkward?  Did we bump noses?  Were you afraid I’d turn away?
  4. What do you remember about our first make-out session?  Do you remember where we were?  Do you remember how I responded?  Would you like to re-enact that moment?
  5. Do you remember when we first touched each other intimately?
  6. When did you realize you were falling in love with me?  How did you feel about it?  What did it feel like?
  7. Do you remember the first time you told me you loved me?  How did I react?
  8. How did you feel the first time I said I loved you?  Were you surpised?
  9. What do you remember about the first time we made love?  Do you remember where we were?  Was it what you expected?
  10. What is your favorite memory of our wedding night?  Was there something that made us laugh or cry?  Were you nervous?  Was I?
  11. Would you like to re-enact our first time?  Would it be possible to go to the same place and re-visit some of those memories?
  12. What would you do differently if you could re-enact our wedding night?  Would it be fun trying it again using the knowledge and love-making skills we’ve learned since we were newlyweds?
  13. How did you feel the first time you saw me nude?  How did you feel about me seeing you nude for the first time?  Were we shy with each other?
  14. What is your favorite part of my body?  What do you think is my favorite part of yours?
  15. Do you recall a place where we have made love that was particularly memorable.  What was special about the place?  Describe the surroundings as you remember them in as much detail as you can.
  16. If you could make love anywhere in the world, where would it be?
  17. If we were to try something new in our love-making, what would you like to do?

Obviously, you can come up with your own questions.  And it is vitally important that you treat each others’ answers with loving understanding and acceptance.  The point is to get the sparks flying again by revisiting those memories.  You are in possession of the most powerful aphrodesiac in the world…your own mind.  In your mind, you will know you’re talking about the past.  But your bodies will respond as if you were time-traveling back to those times.  It’s a fun and easy way to get the fireworks booming again in your bedroom.

Fireworks in the Bedroom was last modified: July 1st, 2012 by Shelby Counseling Associates

Sharing is caring!