Pamela Madsen
It can happen at anytime – seemingly without warning. One day, you stop reading hot erotica. You stop looking for quiet alone time to self pleasure. And you’d rather watch “Masters of Sex,” than actually have sex. You find yourself more interested in green juice cleansing, yoga and meditation than orgasm. You may find it very confusing; after all perhaps once upon a time you were the “IT” girl.
You know, the girl who always wanted “IT”. Yes, you might have been called “The Slut”- the woman that liked, and wanted sex. You also might have been the woman who sought out new experiences from threesomes, to bi-sexuality to live reenactments of “Fifty Shades of Gray”. Or you may just have loved sex within your fabulous monogamous marriage…and now you’d rather order in a pizza.
You are not alone. You have “Slut-ish Interrupt-us” a term recently coined by the legendary sex educator and pleasure activist Carol Queen.
It happens. And there is hope for all of us women who wonder where that hot woman went. She is not gone; she just may have had an estrogen dive… or frankly, she may be bored.
Let’s be clear, for women of “a certain age,” which can happen anytime in our forties, and land like a lead balloon in our fifties, the estrogen dive is not fun. Low estrogen can result in painful intercourse, lower libido and vaginal dryness: OUCH. And you can see your gynecologist for solutions! And in my next blog I am going to take some of this on. But for now: let’s talk about sexual boredom.
I think that sexual boredom is the most overlooked issue in Slut-ish Interrupt-us.
Do you have a “Pleasure Plan”? It’s an interesting question, isn’t it? I spend hours everyday “channeling the Goddess” in women, and sometimes their partners. What I have learned is that everyone needs a “Pleasure Plan,” and often that means reaching out of the box. How do we feed ourselves pleasure? When was the last time you have given yourself something different?
My bet is that it has been a long time since you have invited your “inner slut” out to play, and that is why you have simply crumbled and find found yourself in a very long season of discontent.
Screw that. You remember what it was like: Right?
Do you want more pleasure, fun and adventure in your life? Then create the plan. Take out the calendar and start planning your own “Year of Pleasures”. Start a journal about it. Start a Pleasure Plan Blog. How can you bring pleasure into your life?
You may have to go digging into your 401K for pleasure. You are never too young or too old to transform your relationship with pleasure. How about declaring an end to Slut-us Interrupt-us?
Here are some possible starting places:
1. Consider taking on a sex coach or joining forces with a girlfriend. You will need support.
2. Layout your calender and your finances! Put aside a budget of time and money. Give generously to your plan. Your life will transform. Really, the new “whatever” can wait!
3. Consider taking a “Pleasure Retreat”. I try to have one every two months for an extended weekend. I plan for it. I pull every drop of pleasure out of that time. There is the pleasure of anticipation and planning, the pleasure of the actual event, and the afterglow, where I can roll it around in my mouth for weeks after! Go somewhere you have never been before. Figure out the food! What is your pleasure? Experiment. Your pleasure could be visiting gardens, it doesn’t have to be sex!
4. Explore workshops! There are lots of awesome workshops in the sexuality realm! Tantra anyone? Want to dance in a Red Tent? Explore coming Back to Your Body?
5. Explore reading memoirs about other women who are in the midst of a nose dive. Go “Eat Pray Love” and see how you can somehow create something like that in your life. Don’t know what I am talking about? Read my book! Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner!
Face your life, and look to your desires, leave no path untaken.
The point is to make a plan. These are some ideas to get you started, and an offer of help. You don’t have to wave good bye to those days of living a hot sexy life. You just have to wake yourself up.