9781845285128With our media still glorifying young couples as the sexual ideal, this idea may

seem crazy. But several experts believe the years beyond 50 can be the most

sexually satisfying, for men and women. One of them is Alan Heeks, author of a

new book, Out of the Woods: A Guide to Life for Men Beyond 50. Although

writing for men, he offers a lot of insights and techniques that women can share.


Alan explains, “One of the good things about the later years is that the kind of

sex men and women want converges. Research shows that most older men

want to give and receive more love, nurturing and tender touch as part of their

sexual relationship. While older women, from the forties onwards, have

hormonal shifts which increase libido. Older women are typically more sexually

assertive and more willing to experiment.


Midlife brings physical changes for women and men which can damage their

sexual self-confidence, but can be used as opportunities. Problems like erectile

dysfunction and vaginal dryness can get blamed on loss of love or libido, and

even lead partners to question the relationship: yet they arise from hormonal

changes which are a natural part of aging.


Alan’s book highlights ways to turn these problems to advantage. For example,

most couples fight shy of talking about sex. But at this age, there are huge gains

from honest conversations about what turns you both on, and what’s worrying

you. Men can learn to enjoy slow sex, where losing their erection is actually

desirable. And lubricants are a great zone for playful experimentation…


Declining sexual self-confidence is a big issue for both men and women beyond

50, and one of the basic needs for older couples is to help each other to recover

it. Here’s a relevant quote from Alan’s book: “Wrinkles, bulges and grey hair

often upset us more than they do our partners. If your sexual self-confidence is

low, the best single antidote is to focus on delighting your partner sexually. You

should soon realize this is readily do-able, and your confidence will increase with

their pleasure.”


Alan Heeks, now 65, has researched this book by ‘making most of the mistakes

available to men beyond fifty, but learning from them’, as well as leading groups

and checking out many of the books on this subject. His own fifties provided the

happy adolescence he never had as a teenager, including Tantra groups, blind

dates and other adventures.


Alan’s book Out of the Woods: A Guide to Life for Men Beyond 50 is published by

How To Books, September 19, 2013. The Men Beyond 50 Network offers

weekend workshops, local groups and online resources. See more at





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