Scott Kaplan
The typical stereotype is that every guy wants a woman who is a long-legged, nymphomaniac that loves to cook, and whose Dad owns a liquor store. But that’s not me.
I am a 52 year-old, divorced father of two teenage boys who lives in the suburbs. I like to exercise, watch sports, drink martinis, play poker, spend time with my kids, and like George Costanza, if I’m home alone with Good Housekeeping magazine, well I’m rather un-unique.
As a typical guy, I certainly would not be averse if Margot Robbie wanted to wildly service me, but, I would rather have a woman in my life that wants to go for a run or hike and then watch a Patriots game while having a drink, and who knows exactly who the Donger and Jake Ryan are.
So while physical attractiveness is a big plus, as a typical guy what matters most to me is: Compatibility, Vibe and Interests.
Compatibility is not just someone who shares my passion for spicy food, or likes to binge watch the same shows on Netflix and has an affinity for working out. It’s about being in sync in the way you speak to each other, or in the approach to problem solving. It’s someone that employs a similar method of communicating and discussing. Someone who will get mad at me, and then is comfortable telling me how we can fix it. Compatibility in communication styles is key and as important as a mutual appreciation of bathroom humor.
Then there’s Vibe. I am pretty laid back. Ok, if I was any more laid back, I’d be asleep, so, what I want is a partner that has the chill vibe. The chill vibe means staying calm even when all is going wrong. When there are problems, which everyone will have, I want a person that will look for a solution rather than throwing gas on the fire. It is a woman who is not only chill, but makes me feel excited and energized when we are together. When their name comes up on my phone, the reaction is always Mmmmm!! Never ugh.
Having common Interests can help a relationship work, but, its more than both loving the beach, or agreeing that Bill Murray’s finest work was Stripes. It’s not just about having the same interests, it’s about having an interest in what your partners enjoys even if it’s not your particular brand of vodka.
Regarding physical attraction and sex, yes it’s important. I recognize that many women, they need to feel love to have sex. But lots of guys need to have sex to feel love. I will tell you that it’s a little of both ideally. A random kiss, or holding hands in the movie theatre is just as important for establishing intimacy.
Having two teenage boys, I have tried to impart things that I deem important to them. They always open a door for a woman, say please and thank you, they are polite and respectful. I’ve also made it clear that in my experience, there are two strategies to argue with women….and neither work. And since, many a truth is said in jest, I stand by that statement. Of course, while everyone will argue occasionally, that is not an issue at all if you have compatibility, vibe, interests and attraction.
So, while I have tried to educate my kids on what to look for in a partner based on what I have learned through my own life lessons, I realize that we are all shaped and molded by our own experiences. In the end, they will have to figure out what they want in a woman in order to be happy and to make her happy. While it is not always easy to figure out exactly what you want, and then to find that special someone, it is really wicked pissah when you do!