I have been divorced twice and have some suggestions for getting back into dating. I’ve made mistakes and I have learned from them. May these tips spare you the problems I encountered and help you find an awesome partner.
- Wait! For crying out loud, please don’t rush into something serious right away or something that you will be sorry for later. Divorce is very painful and you need time to heal. After my first marriage I jumped into a relationship that was doomed, because I was lonely and it was great to have someone attracted to me again. Bad decision. Then I married the next guy, because I was afraid of husband #1. Another bad decision. Take. Your. Time.
- Be discriminating. Don’t settle for someone who you know isn’t right for you (see #1). Pay attention and get to know the person well. Be picky. This is a good time to make a list of the qualities you want in a partner and review it periodically.
- On the other hand, don’t rule someone out just on the basis of your list. The person/package may differ from what is on your list, but give them a chance You might be surprised. My husband (and his 7-year-old son) were definitely not the package I had expected, but there was a reason we were brought together and it worked out splendidly. Be open.
- Be careful about adding the physical to the mix. We all know that the romantic rush of a new love interest can make your resolutions to wait awhile on the physical fly out the window. This can be difficult, but stick to your resolutions.The physical can surely complicate matters, cloud your judgement and make you do impulsive things. Take your time (see #1).
- Examine your state of mind. A good internal assessment is necessary. Are you feeling lonely, afraid, undesirable, tired of waiting or even desperate and think dating after divorce will help? Perhaps it may be beneficial to get some help and share those feelings before moving on to the next person. A therapist, a coach, and even a good friend can help you express what you are feeling in order to move forward as a much happier you, ready for a strong, healthy relationship again. My frame of mind was not in a good place after my first husband, and it did not turn out well.
I hope these five suggestions for dating after divorce helped you take a look at where you are and where you want to go in your next relationship. Proceed with a little caution, but not without hope.