Married

Saying Yes To Separate Marital Bed Responses Blew My Mind…What Did You Think?

felice
I was blown away by the response to the post we published last week on BA50, Marcia Byalick's "Marriage Everlasting In Separate Bedrooms." The post literally went viral. There have been 60K views on our BA50 Instagram and BA50 Facebook  and the comments poured in... including a rousing... The honesty of our readers' comments were fascinating with so many sharing their own sleep arrangements both separate and not.  I wanted to share some of my thoughts on this topic and am inviting you all to share yours as well. I truly was surprised and curious to learn more when I read the comments by so  many who were also happier in separate bedrooms and still have healthy marriages.  This was news to me and struck a chord as well.  First of all, there is the judgement piece.  There are many topics about our marriages that we prefer not to share because who wants to be judged, so I was thrilled Marcia took on this topic. And, the truth is, I learned from this post....
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Is Anything Normal About “Normal Marital Hatred”?

Karla Araujo
On June 27, 2022, the New York Times reassured me that the moments I want to attack my kind, mild-mannered husband with a meat cleaver are completely normal. Three months later, the Washington Post also sanctioned these instances of partner loathing, quoting family therapist and author Terrence Real, the creator/proponent of “Normal Marital Hatred,” who says, “Real marriage comes the day you realize that this person is exquisitely designed to stick the burning spear into your eyeball.” Mr. Real goes on to explain that no one acknowledges the “underbelly” of relationships. He postulates that there are moments when you look at your partner and hate their guts. Wait, Terrence, have you been hiding in marital closets across America?...
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separate bedrooms

Marriage, Everlasting in Separate Bedrooms

Marcia Byalick
Revealing the fact that Bob and I, after over 50 years of marriage, now sleep in two different rooms? I wasn’t ready…until now. Sarah Jessica Parker, Victoria Beckham, Catherine Zeta Jones, not to mention the Queen… they all came out with it The New York Times recently did a story on homebuilders who saw increased demand for homes with two main bedrooms. The Better Sleep Council notes 26% of married couples report sleeping more soundly when they’re alone in a bed. And follow up studies show getting a healthy night’s sleep may be one of the single best things you can do for your relationship. Yet we believe happy couples sleep in the same bed and unhappy ones don’t. When we hear that a couple sleeps in separate rooms we immediately assume their relationship is in trouble. Committed couples, they say, just work out the windows-open-vs-closed thing…the light-on thing…the sleep apnea thing…the TV-on thing…the going-to-the-bathroom-three-times-a-night thing…the-pulling-the-covers thing…and the insomnia thing. With the wisdom that comes with age, I no longer have to bow to whatever the super judgy ”they” say. ...
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Sleep Divorce: Can’t Sleep with Him…..Can’t Kill Him

Karla Araujo
I'm considering Sleep Divorce....It’s three a.m. and the mass lying on its back next to me is emitting unearthly sounds. I awaken, surfacing from a dream in which I’ve tried to weave the snorts, rasps, whistles, and jagged breathing into the plot. Clad only in a polka-dotted bikini, I’d been floating through a field of daisies towards Freddy, my third-grade boyfriend, while my husband lay serenely unbothered by his own tortured cacophony. I love my husband. We spoon perfectly, taking comfort in one another’s warm, pliant presence. Randy and I watch TV shows and tennis tournaments in bed, snuggled with our small mutt Zadie, all of us munching popcorn. Awake, we’re blissful. But turn off the lights, shut off the electronics, and we join the ranks of couples contemplating divorce. Sleep divorce, that is....
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Woman using dating app on the phone

Relationship Therapy: 6 Best Apps to Strengthen Sexual Relationships And More

BA50 Talkers
According to People.com ....Dating apps are de rigueur for finding potential partners now, but using apps once you're in a relationship hasn't been quite as commonplace. Usually, we'd be thrilled about that — more face time, less FaceTime, please — but then came 2020. Dr. Britney Blair, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of sexual wellness app Lover, isn’t surprised by the transition. “Everything is digitized, and especially [during the pandemic] it saves you a trip to the doctor’s office,” says Blair, who adds, “Sex therapy, especially, can be time-consuming and expensive.” Read more on People.com...
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Felice and Bill

Oh, That’s What Love Feels Like!

felice
When I gave this writing prompt to my BA50 Blogging groups, it got me thinking as well about the fireworks of romance, the drama of those first moments of passion, the heat of love. And then I shifted gears into the simple and sweet routines that deep love offers. The built-in years of knowing someone so well, when love is reflected in the daily dance of living in partnership. ...
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Why My Marriage Works Even Though….

Casey Bird
I have a confession to make. Perhaps a couple. First, like Bernadette, in Where’d You Go Bernadette?, I have dreamed about disappearing on my family. This fantasy has occurred more frequently in the past nine months, as there have been long stretches where everyone is inhabiting our home and the space that was mostly mine is gone; taken over by home offices and school workspaces....
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Everything I Ever Needed to Know About Sex and Midlife Came from a Pilates Studio

Susan Simons
The many hours spent in a woman only hothouse of female style exercise has released endorphinal rushes of intimate stories told in whispers that lead to roars of laughter.  We’ve become experts at distracting each other from the hard work of stabilizing our bodies on a moving platform by talking female. ...
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My Electric Boyfriend

Nicole Carlton
I knew things were about to change when I went shopping for CBD cream and came home with a vibrator. This was before hemp became legal in Massachusetts and you had to buy CBD at questionable places, like the “adult shop'' about five miles north of Boston. Since my sex life had been evicerated by my husband’s illness, medication and sheer exhaustion, buying a vibrator suddenly seemed like the easiest way to save the one thing I might be able to control in my life....
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