Divorce

Divorce at midlife is complicated. Whether it comes as a relief or as a devastation, divorce can be the most difficult experience or the most freeing. It’s different for everyone, but one thing is for sure… you are not alone when it comes to divorce. Find insight, tips on how to cope, courage, compassion and understanding with Better After 50’s Divorce section.

Butterfly on spring flowers

Why is Healing After Divorce so Hard?

Martha Bodyfelt
If your divorce is finished, you might be kicking yourself. I know I was. Back in 2011, my year-long divorce was finalized, but I wasn’t jumping up and down and doing cartwheels. I felt stuck. But the fact that you’re having those feelings means you’re actually growing. Because you’re now looking back on the painful stuff, seeing what lessons you can learn from it. So you can heal. So you can move on....
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Kiss and lipstick

When a Kiss is Easier than Saying ‘No Thank You.’

Ginny Poleman
When I left the coffee shop with Jonathan, I had reached that moment on the date when I had to make a decision: how would I graciously end this? We had matched on Bumble. We’d both attended Cornell and knew some of the same people. Before we met, we had a hilarious phone conversation. I had looked forward to the date, but when we met, he wasn’t exactly what I expected. He was overwhelmingly big in personality…and underwhelming in stature....
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Carrie Bradshaw

Some Things I Never Do When Dating After 50

Ginny Poleman
I walked into the swanky hotel lobby bar dressed in black jeans, black shear blouse, black boots, and my favorite red shearling coat, furry side out. It was a ‘look at me’ outfit. I felt like Carrie Bradshaw. “Where do you live?” I asked, covering the ubiquitous ‘get-to-know-you’ questions. “Chelsea, but you’ll never see the inside of my place,” he gibed....
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Woman dating on zoom

The Surprising Benefit of Zoom Dating

Marcia Lansing
I carefully applied Nars Roman Holiday lipstick; just a hint of color to go with the sweater, instead of a darker color that doesn't suit my aging complexion. To avoid gas, I was not drinking a vodka tonic. Instead, I smoked a joint called Banana Kush that promised “a mellow buzz and a relaxed sense of euphoria in social settings.” Just for kicks, I spritzed myself with my favorite jasmine perfume and logged into Zoom a little early. “I look good.” I thought. “Cute even. And the Zoom filter hides all my wrinkles.”’ I had purposely made myself the Zoom host so I would have time to examine and re-examine my on-screen appearance and create the right lighting, if need be....
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we need an unlike button

3 Steps to Beat Divorce Loneliness When You’re on Facebook

Martha Bodyfelt
When you start feeling lonely and left out, especially after divorce, there are three simple things you can do to get your mindset back on track that will pull you out of that Facebook divorce loneliness pit. 1. Mute or unfollow the people whose posts make you feel like shit. It’s as simple as that. If there are a handful of women on your timeline that constantly post those annoying posts that are like “I’m joining the ‘I love my husband’ challenge”...
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A sad woman with mask on her face stands near closed Museum. Ban on walking, visiting public places

The Hardest Story To Tell

Deanna Dawson
I like to think of myself as a writer and storyteller, someone who shares the good and bad and complicated of my life freely. I have no qualms opening up about sex, money, politics yet this story has sat with me for two years. I have a fear that I will be seen as a victim, someone who accepts violence and abuse, not the educated, self aware feminist I am. This story doesn’t happen to people like me. This is my difficult story:...
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The Holidays and The Beast within Me

Ginny Poleman
Since our separation, my soon-to-be ex-husband of thirty years and I have spent the holidays together with our young adult children. I rationalized that handling a little discomfort for a couple of days of celebrating together was far better than the heartache of feeling left out. Normally, it’s been fine for a day or two with all the extended family around, but this Christmas, due to Covid, there would be no big gatherings, just the five of us—me, my ex, my daughter, my son and his wife. And this year, it wasn’t just two days, unexpectedly it turned into ten....
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My Electric Boyfriend

Nicole Carlton
I knew things were about to change when I went shopping for CBD cream and came home with a vibrator. This was before hemp became legal in Massachusetts and you had to buy CBD at questionable places, like the “adult shop'' about five miles north of Boston. Since my sex life had been evicerated by my husband’s illness, medication and sheer exhaustion, buying a vibrator suddenly seemed like the easiest way to save the one thing I might be able to control in my life....
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Dancing at a wedding

ďťżOne Marriage Begins as One Marriage Ends

Ginny Poleman
My twenty-four year-old son stood in front of me and said, “I’m going to propose to Sara.” Of course I was excited for him. I loved Sara and they loved each other. But in my head I yelled, “nooooooo. I’m not ready!” I was okay with my son getting married, but I wasn’t ready to witness the beginning of his marriage so close to the end of my own. It was just six weeks earlier that his dad and I had agreed to divorce....
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