Adult Children

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Forging an Adult Relationship with my Daughter

‘She’s such a bitch.’             ‘Everything I say annoys her.’             ‘Nothing I do is right.’             ‘She’s only nice to me when she needs money.’             ‘What happened to my sweet little girl?’ Do these laments sound familiar?  They do to me because at some point since my daughter, Britt, went to college, graduated and  moved to New York City  I have uttered each one. But over the past twelve years I have found myself lamenting less and enjoying her more. Why? Did she change? Or did I? A bit of both but weighted much more heavily on me.  I’m not sure if it was a conscious decision but I think this complaining about my adult daughter diminished when I started to view her for what she is in that order: ADULT then DAUGHTER. Once I changed my perspective to treat her as an adult first, my daughter second, our relationship became much less strained and tenuous. ...
Holiday FOMO at 60

Holiday FOMO at 60

f you think about it, the holiday season is 2 weeks more than a long vacation. There is never enough time to see and do everything that this time of the year has to offer. My younger self tried to live up to my own expectations of what Christmas should be, perfect gifts under the tree. I was absorbed in collecting, spending my time in malls rather than planning fun experiences, which led to terrible holiday FOMO. This year I’m trying to be wiser. I told my family, “Give me your Wanderlust List. Things you would never buy yourself but would love to have for travel.” Theming the gift giving helped narrow down the length of my shopping, allowing me more time to check off items on my holiday FOMO priority list....
Mother and daughter in field

My Daughters and Me…Next Phase

The mother-daughter bond can sometimes feel close to telepathic, like high alert empathy that’s super sensitive not just to the words but the pitch and the tone of the words being said. For better or worse a raised eyebrow or a deep exhale is decoded immediately. The biggest lesson I’ve learned after decades at this mothering thing is that my worth increases with every word I don’t say. If one of us suggests a new spice…or TV show…or bra, we’re all in. When returning from a trip, we each unpack and go through the mail the first hour we arrive home. We are all currently obsessed with Jeremy Allen White, star of The Bear. Nature? Nurture? Who knows. It’s just kind of lovely. Playing the cancer card (I think it’s legal to accept any perks that come along with that prognosis) they agreed to joining me on a three-day getaway in the Berkshires,...

Body Shaming: I’m Not Going to Be That Mom Until I Was

I was shopping with my preteen daughter in LuLuLemon.  I was tired and not in the best mood but she wanted to show me this jacket she liked, a trim fit, hot pink zip up.  The saleslady stood outside the dressing room as she tried it on. She zipped it up and I immediately noticed her slight outward curve in the middle. She doesn’t look perfect. What do I say to her? “I think she needs a bigger size.”  I told the saleslady. “Can I come in?” she responded....
Smiling grandparents with grandkids in the kitchen, close up

The Unspoken Wedge Between Parents and Grandparents

This post originally appeared on The Atlantic and we highly recommend reading this if you are a grandparent! Each generation has its own norms for parenting. Arguing over the differences can be an emotional minefield. One of the sweetest parts of being a grandparent is being invited by your own adult children to spend time with your grandkids. But the invitation comes with a few conditions, and in even the most loving families, grandparents ignore these rules on a regular basis. For many reasons, they can’t help overstepping the boundaries, whether because of a prickliness at their own kids telling them what to do, a sincere belief that they know more about raising children than their kids do, or, more poignantly, a resistance to the harsh reality that they’ve aged out of the cherished role of family decision maker....

What You Can’t Ask Your Adult Daughter About Dating

“I’ll tell you but promise you won’t be weird.” “I won’t be weird. I’m never weird.” “Oh my God mom, you’re always weird about this stuff.” Nikki’s younger sister Lulu piped in. “What do you mean? You guys never tell me anything so how can I be weird about it?” “That’s why we don’t tell you. Because you’re weird.” “Well, I’m not promising anything. I’m your mom and if I want to be weird about it, I’ll be weird. Now do tell!” ...
Woman writing

Millennials Embrace Prenups—but Through a Very Different Lens Than in the Past

Millennials are often known to buck convention. That seems to be true even when it comes to prenuptial agreements. In the past, prenups were most common among young adults from wealthy families or couples entering second or third marriages. Today, younger adults of all income levels are drafting them, not only to protect assets accumulated before and during marriage but to address societal realities that weren’t necessarily present or common years ago, such as......