Relationships

Join the Relationship conversation! BA50s are dealing with all kinds of relationships: we are married after 50, divorced after 50, puzzling over sexless marriage or rekindling our love lives at midlife; sandwiched in between our aging parents and our adult kids, becoming grandparents and so much more. Not to mention how we are relating to ourselves in this unique stage of life.

The Holidays and The Beast within Me

Since our separation, my soon-to-be ex-husband of thirty years and I have spent the holidays together with our young adult children. I rationalized that handling a little discomfort for a couple of days of celebrating together was far better than the heartache of feeling left out. Normally, it’s been fine for a day or two with all the extended family around, but this Christmas, due to Covid, there would be no big gatherings, just the five of us—me, my ex, my daughter, my son and his wife. And this year, it wasn’t just two days, unexpectedly it turned into ten....
Red Roses

The Intimacy of Sex, Marriage and Death Preparation

At the conclusion of the first night of our beautifully sensual life together, the man who became my second husband, breathlessly rolled over onto his side of the bed and exclaimed, “If I have a heart attack, don’t call the EMTs until I am cold and blue!” I could hear his smile in the dark and I knew exactly what he meant....

Why My Marriage Works Even Though….

I have a confession to make. Perhaps a couple. First, like Bernadette, in Where’d You Go Bernadette?, I have dreamed about disappearing on my family. This fantasy has occurred more frequently in the past nine months, as there have been long stretches where everyone is inhabiting our home and the space that was mostly mine is gone; taken over by home offices and school workspaces....

Everything I Ever Needed to Know About Sex and Midlife Came from a Pilates Studio

The many hours spent in a woman only hothouse of female style exercise has released endorphinal rushes of intimate stories told in whispers that lead to roars of laughter.  We’ve become experts at distracting each other from the hard work of stabilizing our bodies on a moving platform by talking female. ...

My Electric Boyfriend

I knew things were about to change when I went shopping for CBD cream and came home with a vibrator. This was before hemp became legal in Massachusetts and you had to buy CBD at questionable places, like the “adult shop'' about five miles north of Boston. Since my sex life had been evicerated by my husband’s illness, medication and sheer exhaustion, buying a vibrator suddenly seemed like the easiest way to save the one thing I might be able to control in my life....
Friends Toasting at Thanksgiving Dinner

Prepare for Your College Student’s Return for the Holidays

If you missed this New York Times piece, it's a must read for kids coming home from college. "Plan out the trip home and set ground rules for safe socializing. And remember that they’ve had a tough year, too, so give them the space to talk about it. “Rates of anxiety, depression and general malaise among my college patients have never been this bad, even compared to after 9/11,” said Dr. Julia Turovsky, a clinical psychologist in Chatham, N.J....
Dancing at a wedding

One Marriage Begins as One Marriage Ends

My twenty-four year-old son stood in front of me and said, “I’m going to propose to Sara.” Of course I was excited for him. I loved Sara and they loved each other. But in my head I yelled, “nooooooo. I’m not ready!” I was okay with my son getting married, but I wasn’t ready to witness the beginning of his marriage so close to the end of my own. It was just six weeks earlier that his dad and I had agreed to divorce....
Kirk and Spock

What’s Your Playbook Look Like During Lockdown on Your Starship Enterprise

I never wanted to be on Starship Enterprise when Captain Kirk looked over to Spock and said, "We are going into lockdown." The magical sliding doors would seal and the Captain's Deck would be contained. And we would spend the next 30 minutes watching anxiously what was going to happen during this containment. I'm not sure who is playing Captain Kirk, I think we tend to switch off, on our Starship America 2020, my husband may not agree with that assessment. He and I are refining our skills in the cockpit of our lives. And we are creating daily routines on our Starship America 2020 during our containment....

Sitting On The Edge Trying My Best

I find myself sighing a lot lately. Big heavy sighs that can’t seem to expunge the helplessness and hopelessness that seem to envelope me more than any other time in my life. I love Autumn. I love the cooler days and nights. I even love the change of time and the early darkness. But everything is so different this year that the things I’ve always embraced I find myself dreading....
Couple in love drinking tea and enjoying winter holidays

Young Love: My Daughter and Her Boyfriend

I tried to keep my eyes on the puzzle but I couldn’t help observing my daughter—now a young woman—gaze at her lover. People say she looks like me with her turned up nose and heart-shaped face, but her coloring is all her dad’s side of the family: deep, deep auburn hair; creamy porcelain skin with a smattering of peachy freckles; and light colored eyes—one blue, one light brown. The soft light of the fire danced across her face, illuminating her happiness....