Becoming the Menopausal Medium
My husband looks confused and a little terrified that we will be sharing a bed for the rest of his life....
Humor
Letter To My 3 Sons
This letter outlines the things I do now that do not qualify as reasons to put me out to pasture....
Mom — Put Some Clothes On!
Apparently you’re never too old to scar your kids for life....
Jello Mold’s Comeback
If day-glo food is your thing, who am I to judge?...
Cloak of Invisibility
I knew when a man dropped a suitcase on my head that my 50s were going to usher in some significant changes....
Sexual Surrogate Helen Hunt and Us
We watched Helen undress during each session and take us through the logistics of deflowering our virginal, disabled sweet Mark....
Siri: The Antidote to Memory Loss
Siri is to the memory impaired as GPS is to the directionally impaired...
My Neighbor was at My Colonoscopy
“My goodness, this is awkward,” I said, “Of all procedures..."...
Three Generations of Butts
My butt is flatter than melted butter. And my boobs are like bananas....
Being Ugly Was Not Enough For This Suit
At my elementary school, the girls were not allowed to wear pants. I didn’t mind. I loved to wear mini-skirts and fishnet stockings, even though I was a chubb...
My Resolution: Take Charge of The TV
"Please don’t use phrases like, ‘internet connected television interface.’ It makes me tense.”...
Countdown to the End of the World
"What time on the 21st is the world supposed to end?” I asked my son...
A Toxic Cocktail: Menopause, ADD and Holidays
One year, I lost baby Jesus...
I’m Shopping Impaired
I am the friend that paid full price for the sweater at Lord and Taylor when you bought it for half price at Marshalls...
Gift Angst
I have to make sure my friends and family are in awe of how well I know how to please them....
I Don’t Always Listen to My Vagina
I admit listening to my vagina is sometimes like asking me to listen to opera—I resist...
The Next Great Diet
I had a little love fest with the Barefoot Contessa’s chocolate brownie pie this year....
No End to My Envy
I envy those who know how to use a Neti Pot without drowning....
A Winkie to the Twinkie
My friend recalled that as a teenage boy, Sno-Balls reminded him of breasts....
DVR Compulsion
If I read a book or visit friends or have a conversation with my husband that involves eye contact, I run the risk of losing my copy of The King’s Speech....