Humor

Taking a nap

I Sleep Around. And I’m Shameless

This past year I started again. I hadn’t slept around in years but now I do It regularly. I relish the delicious illicitness, that feeling of surrendering to a higher power. The desire is overwhelming at times. When I succumb, I savor the sense that I’m slipping out of myself, completely letting go. I crave the cool Egyptian cotton or silken Italian leather beneath my bare skin before giving myself over. I confess. I’m a slave to the nap. I’d like to blame the pandemic. The fear of catching a potentially fatal illness. Or losing someone else to it. Maybe it’s age. I’m 65. I’ve lived a lot. Run too many miles, hit too many tennis balls, worked too many all-nighters. But I think it’s more a capitulation, an acknowledgement that it’s okay to be tired. Napping has become my friend....

My New Trick For Turning The Dreaded Unpacking And Clothes Purging Job Into Joy

I cannot look at another suitcase. Finally 2 weeks of packing and unpacking we are finally settled into our island home for the next 5 months and excited to be here. But, the transition was brutal. I seemed to have developed packing narcolepsy. If it's not a "thing" it should be. Too much to do and no gusto to do it makes me sleepy. My 4 day window to get it all done was crammed into 2 days. Exhausted, somehow the prize was the  4 hour road trip to the ferry and then the crossing . It was a delicious passage and I cherished the limbo. But, as we pulled up to our house, the thought of lugging the suitcases and unpacking seemed even more brutal -- so I didn't do it. I just left those bags and once again I was happily snoozing pretending that this was perfectly fine behavior. "Hey honey, I tripped over your shoe bin on the way to the bathroom and I was thinking, those suitcases haven't seen any action ... what's going on?" "No worries, I'll get to it -- the Celtics are on tonight so maybe I will do it then."...

Are You Married? Stop Saying These Things to Me about Dating

There’s a scene in the Sex in the City reboot, And Just Like That, where Carrie and her new, career-driven, 50+, single friend, Seema talk about dating. Carrie says, “I think it’s great that you’re still putting yourself out there.” Ugh. Seema points out the insensitivity by saying, “you found the love of your life and had him for many years. And in my eyes, that is something worth still putting myself out there.” Like Seema, since my divorce, well-meaning but oblivious married friends and family say things that make me want to say, “f##k off.”...
Woman doing yoga at sunset

My Michael Phelps Moment: Why I’m a Yoga Convert

Let’s start with the fact that I have a crush on my yoga instructor. (Because, really, what’s the point of taking an exercise class if you don’t develop a crush on your instructor?) She’s warm and encouraging and has this lovely, mellifluous English accent. It’s like taking a class from a giant bottle of jojoba bath oil. She’s also great at giving you step by step instructions. She’s positively obsessed with making sure that your three middle toes are lifted during all postures, something which turns out to be surprisingly difficult. I was a reluctant convert to yoga, even though my husband and several close friends had been doing it for years. Part of it was that the whole yoga gestalt seemed too groovy for the likes of me...

I Want a Dating Refund From Match.com

“I haven’t met too many women who I want to see again. But you…” he  wiggled his stubby little forefinger across the white cafe table..”you are special.” It could have been a Crossing Delancey moment, except he was not the dashing Pickle Man and I was no Amy Irving.  While I do dream about her curls and that cowboy hat, he was my exceedingly schleppy Match.com date and I was me. “You are a nice guy but I’m not sure there is a fit here for us.“ I said with unusual bravado. I was really trying to save time....

Girlfriends and Seth Rogan Doppelgänger To The Rescue…Finding Gratitude Amidst a Mess

There's a reason my husbands and friends nicknamed me Lucy. Seems I'm always getting into the damnedest messes. But, I do Love Lucy because she has a way of laughing her way out of a crisis. So here's my latest mess. Human error is a thing. Procrastination is a thing.....It turns out almost every single person woman on that text chain, all 9 out of 12,  had a link to an expediter. There's glorious comfort in a group of women who share the same screw-ups and can laugh about it and support each other. The only one doing the shaming was me.  God I love these women! Well, you can get almost anything done if your willing to pay in this world.  This error was going to cost me.  ...
Nana's ladies

Nana’s Ladies In the Basement: My Spring Cleaning Dilemma

My Nana's lady lamps are old. I mean really old. Like older than vintage ---- more like antiquated. They are so out of the box inappropriate now and def not PC. When I show them to anyone who will listen, anyone who will entertain nostalgic conversations about junk and guilt, I watch their faces waiting for them to say, "those are so cool, you can't throw them out." But no one ever does. They weigh 50 pounds each. The base is concrete. These are towering figures of "native american women" with lampshades on their heads.  I believe she bought them in Soho in NYC in the 1940's. Do I offer them to a museum or haul them to recycling? ...
Felice Shapiro

The Long Marriage…Should We Feel Badly For Our Husbands?

Sometimes, it's hard to say...thanks, I really appreciate that but I really didn't want that. Or other truths about keeping the love alive in a long haul marriage. "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? I haven't been right in 32 years but I'm a happy man." And so muses Comedian Jeff Allen on his You Tube Dry Bar performance...How to Understand The Wife's Code. OMG, I can't stop laughing at this guy, because it's the guy's perspective and it's just too funny - but honestly, it does make me feel badly for our guys to hear these truths....
Playing phone games

Oh No….Could I Be Addicted to Phone Games?

I have yet to miss the daily Wordle. I've added it to my OG games Boggle and Wordbubbles (WB recently released its own version of Wordle, aka my Wordle practice). The time spent on these games I justify as useful and educational in adding new vocabulary and recognizing word patterns and spellings, all great things. These skills enhance my love of reading and wordsmithing, right? What's alarming to me is the time-wastiest of all time wasters: Toon Blast. I'm finding that I’m powerless to stop playing....
Yoga

Friends With Benefits: Girlfriend Time is Back

I had no idea how much I missed girlfriend time these past few years. This friggin pandemic has put a halt to one of my favorite ways to recharge...one on one girlfriend getaways. Well, this past week I got a mega dose of girlfriend time and it was awesome. I'm not complaining but I was out of practice and needed a nap after a 3 day visit with my dear friend Randi who squeezed in a quick trip to my place before meeting up with her husband.  "I cannot believe we pulled this off!" I said to Randi. "Your timing is amazing, we can do whatever we want ... we've got the whole house to ourselves."...

Am I a Karen?

We’ve finished up our errands; returning library books, checking out a couple of new ones, browsing through Marshalls and Homegoods. It’s 4:30 but we’re getting a little hungry and this lady does not feel like cooking. We stop at The Good Pour, a small pub a couple of towns over from ours. We haven’t been here since the pandemic but it always had good food and we’re close by so why not. As is our wont when it’s just the two of us, we sit at the small bar. Both televisions are turned to sports channels (what else is new? Would it ever hurt to put on Food Network or HGTV?...
Hugging

Hugging, The Cuddle Hormone Is Back In Action

Hugging, the cuddle hormone is back in action. Did you know hugging creates a feeling of calmness and relaxation. That's because of oxytocin, which is sometimes called the "cuddle hormone." Oxytocin is released when people or pets snuggle up or bond socially. This release can have a domino effect throughout the body.... That's great news for huggers who are now feeling pretty liberated in the past few weeks as Covid restrictions have lifted. Raised by demonstrative huggers, I have sorely missed the hugging dance. I couldn't be happier that hugging is back.. ...
Julie Newburg

4 New On and Off Line Dating Rules After 60

“I’ll meet you halfway,” he proposed in a text.  I’m sure there is a Starbucks halfway between Tewksbury and where you live.” Where the hell is Tewksbury? I thought.  NO. I am not driving halfway to f**king Tewskbury in the middle of winter, to meet some nerdy guy, who I don’t even know. Is this what my life has come to? Traveling to the ends of the earth, in search of love. BIG NO. Maybe I need to take a break from online dating, even if it’s February, always a double whammy for me: Valentine's Day and my birthday. In celebration, perhaps this February I will give myself the gift of a few new dating rules....