It’s been almost two months since my friend Tommy fell to the floor at his friend’s house in Milton, Delaware and suffered a fatal heart attack. What began as a typical evening of socializing among these transplanted Delawareans turned deadly in a split second. Hardly the picture of health- Tommy was overweight, a smoker; nevertheless, no one expected death to strike so suddenly and violently. At age 63, Tommy was just a year older than me, making him my first contemporary to pass. And leaving me unsettled in ways I am trying to comprehend.
Countless others have written volumes about death and loss and grief far more eloquently than I, and yet the questions remain. How do we get past the grief: mine, ours, Janet’s?
I tell myself what I tell my suffering patients: There is no way around grief, only through it. Navigating this level of loss means something different to every person experiencing it. For me, I will begin by remembering Tommy, his antics, and his goodness, and I will say his name. I will remind myself and Janet that grief is not linear, nor is it predictable. It is indiscriminate in its assaults.
On June 27, 2022, the New York Times reassured me that the moments I want to attack my kind, mild-mannered husband with a meat cleaver are completely normal.
Three months later, the Washington Post also sanctioned these instances of partner loathing, quoting family therapist and author Terrence Real, the creator/proponent of “Normal Marital Hatred,” who says, “Real marriage comes the day you realize that this person is exquisitely designed to stick the burning spear into your eyeball.”
Mr. Real goes on to explain that no one acknowledges the “underbelly” of relationships. He postulates that there are moments when you look at your partner and hate their guts.
Wait, Terrence, have you been hiding in marital closets across America?...
Little did I know that I was setting a trend. Over the past decade, NAB sales have climbed 90%. With the rise of the wellness movement, younger people don't want to consume as much alcohol anymore, and old-timers like me lack the tolerance to do so. Needless to say, with this rising demand for no- or low-alcohol alternatives, the taste, quality, and variety of the offerings have exploded as well. As I started reading article after article about the rising appeal of NABLAB, I thought, Wow! I'm really onto something.
So quite possibly for the first time in my adult life, I now cool....
Looking closely at my grandparents’ story, I could see the ways that their fear had been passed down to my mother. While they never discussed stories of the “old country” or the dangers they escaped, my mother had learned this survival lesson: success meant fitting in.
I began seeing the ways in which I had inherited it, too. I grew up walking on eggshells, worried that my mother might sulk if I didn’t live up to her expectations. When my brother chose his own path, my mother renounced him. Meanwhile, I shaped my life to be the child who would make her proud.
In grappling with my own multi-generational trauma, I began asking myself, how do we examine these negative patterns and break them?...
Kia Ora (good day) to you all. I am writing this piece after wrapping up our 14 day group South Island tour of Otearoa (New Zealand) -- which means the land of the long white cloud in Māori.
It's hard to write about a 14 day trip that covered 2,000 miles of driving, 100 miles of hiking and 30 miles of kayaking and biking, 7 different accommodations and 40 meals in a short post but I'm going to try.
There are so many ways to experience New Zealand and my husband and I decided we wanted to be immersed in nature, travel with a small group and use a local tour company. We signed on for a 2 week road trip, staying in "moderate" accommodations, with a physically challenging itinerary and hiking level.
That said, the magic ingredients of a successful trip include research first and foremost but, no amount of research can guarantee a great trip. Travel requires optimism, a positive attitude, faith and luck. Our trip to New Zealand was amazing for all those reasons, some in our control.
Bill and I were thinking about which of our friends would enjoy this trip and as much as we loved our 2 week adventure …it is not for everyone.
Have you ever felt irrelevant? No matter the past and circumstances that are swirling around you right now – have you ever felt THAT? How do you validate your relevance? Who’s there to judge? The truth is, no matter how worthless I feel, no matter how worthless you feel too, we were placed here for a damn good reason! A good reason indeed. Think about it for a second. Tell your sh**ty thoughts that tell you otherwise to shut the hell up! Think about your relevance. Read more by Lesya Li...
Every birthday after 50 most of think we are heading toward that "older" age but it's not true. There are some incredible statistics on our side proving that not only are we going to live longer but every day 10,000 people turn 65 which means there are plenty of "us".
And when we hit 65 we are still not the oldest generation as "The fastest growing age group in the U.S. is people over age 85, and the second fastest is people 100 and over (centenarians). Experts predict a twelvefold increase in centenarians by the year 2060, and that a 10-year-old child alive today has a 50% chance of living to be over 100.May 26, 2022."
Obviously there's a myriad of topics that an aging population triggers in terms of the economics of supporting this demo and how our kids will bear the brunt of that burden.
But, on another note -- back to us -- since longevity is in our favor, it begs the question and demands immediate answers as to what are we doing to day to ensure we are not wasting our time bemoaning how old we are, examining our saggy skin, and delaying getting that hip replaced.
I for one am kinda pissed that I spent too much time thinking I was old when I turned 60 because the truth is once I found the right place to live and celebrate each day, age has become less of a topic. This is the 3rd winter my husband and I are living in Park City, Utah it's hard to feel old here since this place is all about being outdoors and being active....
"Here's your Chanukah gift AND your Birthday gift -- a special COMBO -- you know it's the holidays and so with your birthday falling so close to the holidays - well - you know, here you go!"
That was the yearly refrain I heard every December 19th on my birthday being one of 4 girls and holidays were overwhelming for my parents what with all the presents to get for the sisters. Frankly, I was too young to be empathetic but I had no choice. You would think I would have gotten used to it.
The other week a few friends who have to share our birthdays with the holidays decided to get together to celebrate each other.
We hatched a plan to celebrate our December/early January birthdays because we could. But of course like all good plans this month we almost couldn't. Our get together was almost cancelled 3 times. Colds and Covid testing, coughs and migraines. We agreed to make a game time decision the morning of our dinner to be sure we were all healthy enough.
The texting was kind of hilarious and very 60's....
f you think about it, the holiday season is 2 weeks more than a long vacation. There is never enough time to see and do everything that this time of the year has to offer. My younger self tried to live up to my own expectations of what Christmas should be, perfect gifts under the tree. I was absorbed in collecting, spending my time in malls rather than planning fun experiences, which led to terrible holiday FOMO.
This year I’m trying to be wiser. I told my family, “Give me your Wanderlust List. Things you would never buy yourself but would love to have for travel.” Theming the gift giving helped narrow down the length of my shopping, allowing me more time to check off items on my holiday FOMO priority list....