Calories Don’t Count After 50 When…

Many years ago, I remember reading a bathroom book that explained facetiously that calories didn’t count in certain situations: when you eat standing up, when it is your birthday, when you just have a bite of someone else’s dessert…. and so on.

Lately, as you may have read, I have been living in a world of alternative facts.  My post was so well received last week that I figured I could milk this theme a little more.

So, I’ve been racking my brain trying to think about all the new places and situations that women find themselves in after age 50, where calories absolutely shouldn’t count, should they?:

1.  After the second glass of wine
2. When you eat your meal while walking on the treadmill (yup, it’s been done) 
3. When consumed in a pool
4. When consumed while driving (not to be confused with being a passenger– those calories count)
5. When its a “healthy” fat
6. In bed.
7. After a colonoscopy
8. Before a colonoscopy
9. For exactly one year after your last cancer treatment
10. When consumed with chopsticks
11. If you eat celery first  
12. When it’s medical marijuana edibles
13. When taken with medication
14. At a shiva or wake
15. On a boat, plane, train, or other moving vehicle
16. If you are consuming food in the company of people you really don’t enjoy being with
17. When the food has previously been in a garbage can  
18. When the food is beyond the expiration date
19. At the coffee shop which was the destination of your power walk
20. When its a prune, prune like, or otherwise designed to “make you go”
21. When it’s food on the plate that a child (or grandchild) did not finish
22. At your retirement party…or anyone’s retirement party
23. While watching the Super Bowl– especially during overtime!

Tell me…when do YOU think calories shouldn’t count after age 50?