Roz Warren
If you’re a Boomer, your brain is teaming with decades-old Pop tunes that you just can’t forget. The real reason you can never remember where you put your keys? Too many of your brain cells are clinging to every last lyric to “Fire and Rain,” “Free Bird” and “Sweet Home Alabama.”  Don’t believe me? Just take this simple test:
I saw a werewolf drinking a Pina Colada at Trader Vics. And his hair was
1) gone
2) heavily moussed
3) perfect
Rikki don’t lose that number, it’s the only one you own, you might use it if you feel better
1) after a trip to the disco
2) when you get home
3) once you lose the mullet
Floatin’ like the heavens above. Looks like
1) Richard Nixon
2) muskrat love
3) the eagle flies with the dove
Your mama don’t dance and your daddy don’t
1) watch Dick Cavett
2) rock and roll
3) understand the lyrics to “American Pie.”
Help! I need ___
1) a Quaalude
2) a new leisure suit
3) somebody
Play me a song you’re the
1) piano man
2) disco duck
3) rock lobster
The wind was in from Africa and last night I couldn’t
1) party like it’s 1999
2) sleep
3) fear the reaper
The answer my friend, is
1) 42
2) behind door number 3
3) blowing in the wind
Only the good die
1) on a bad acid trip
2) young
3) comfortably numb
LA is a great big freeway. Put a hundred down and buy
1) a brand new nose
2) a heart of glass
3) a car
Oh baby baby it’s a wild world. It’s hard to get by just upon a
1) couple of Quaaludes and a hot dog
2) bustle in your hedgerow
3) smile
I’ve been cheated. Been mistreated. When will I be
1) old enough to vote
2) living for the city
3) loved
Brother married Becky Thompson, they bought a store
1) in Ohio
2) in Tupelo
3) on the Wild Side
In the desert you can remember your name, cause there ain’t no one for to give you no
1) pain
2) rain
3) blame
“I am” I said. To no  one there. And no one heard at all not even the
1) bear
2) chair
3) au pair
One toke over the line. Sittin’ downtown in a
1) railway station
2) Mercedes limo
3) tanning parlor
Oo-ooh Child, things are gonna get
1) weird
2) easier
3) a lot more expensive
If you didn’t get every one of these right, you’re not a Boomer. Either that or you’re a Boomer, but you’re getting senile. The only upside to dementia? You’ll finally forget the words to “Dancing Queen.”
(This essay first appeared on www.zestnow.com)