What gets you in the mood? Is it candlelight? Long deep kisses? Applying lotion to your body? Putting on sexy lingerie? Reading erotica?
Knowing what gets you aroused is key to building and sustaining a sexy relationship. Whether you are experiencing a lag in your libido or you have a satisfying sexual relationship, reading erotica can be fun, as a solo or shared activity.
My first memory of sexy materials is the discovery of my father’s Playboy magazines. I didn’t quite know what to make of them or how to react to the photos of naked women, but I do recall the “forbidden” element. As a teen I remember the copy of some trashy novel being passed around the dorm hall.
Fast-forward to my adult life; wife, mother of two and somewhat discontent with my marriage (and my sex life). I bought The Kensington Ladies Erotica Society in the mid 1980’s. I loved the stories, some delicately sensual, suggestive without being too overtly sexual. I discovered that my husband wasn’t as aroused by the female-focused (read: non-penis focused) stories. They were delightful stories and a reminder that the female point of view is often more sensuous, richly detailed and more likely to “arouse.”
Today, I have an array of erotic writings, intermingled with classic literature, contemporary fiction, writing guides, cookbooks, and children’s books.
Books have a power over us that can be used to our benefit when it comes to sex. We can read how-to books, personal essays, or fiction, all created to seduce, arouse, educate and entertain. Erotica gets our blood stirring, it creates those flutters and sensations that make us want to be seduced. Or be the Seductress. From the early bodice-ripping works of Gothic writers like Victoria Holt to contemporary collections from Susie Bright, there is a wide range of sexy books to arouse and seduce you.
Ageless Erotica, by Joan Price
Ageless Erotica is a compilation of erotic stories written by men and women over the age of 50. “Full of erotica seniors can relate to, some selections are tender and loving, while others are edgy and kinky.”
It’s unusual to read erotica that focuses on real people with issues we all face, or will, with time. The emphasis here is on older people, embracing their sexuality. Sex and erotic encounters are not just for the young!
My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday
First published in 1973, My Secret Garden, Women’s Sexual Fantasies, caused a sensation. Women openly sharing their fantasies and dreams made many people uncomfortable. The book continues to sell tens of thousands of copies every year.
Want a quick glimpse into women’s common fantasies? My Secret Garden is full of excerpts from women who dared to share their deepest secrets with the author, and with us. You can open the book at any point and find a quick story to get your pulses racing.
The Delta of Venus by Anais Nin
Anais Nin and erotica go hand in hand. She wrote erotica, for a dollar a page, for one man who wanted erotica created specifically for his tastes. In The Delta of Venus, Nin takes us in to a world of forbidden delights.
Nin’s erotica is not for everyone. There are a few stories with a level of aggression and violence that distract from the sensuous element for me. I love that she presents strong women, with equally strong desire. Sensuous, intelligent, and well written, The Delta of Venus is a classic.
Being French, A Frenchman’s Guide to a More Sensual Life by Francois Roland
Being French is not a work of erotica, but more of a guide for living the sensual life. Only available on Kindle, the book is part instruction, part inspiration. With chapters like, Having a Rendez-vous, Sleeping Naked, Music and Dance, the Rhythms of Sensual Bodies, and Panties, Roland explores the various elements of a sensuous life.
I recommend this book for women who want to explore their sensuality. Actually I recommend the book to any woman—Francois’ take on America’s attitudes toward sex and sexuality culture is interesting. He gently chastises us on our notions of love and sex (just as he gently challenged me in last week’s post on Communicating Our Sexual Desires) while offering a glimpse of a more sexually open culture that encourages women to fully express their femininity.
On my blog, I’ve written about the power of words to help us connect with our sensuous side. I believe we can use a variety of “tools” to help us explore and nurture our sexual experiences.
So, what sexy books are you reading?
Next week: Single, Sexy, Savvy—Are You Ready to Get Between the Sheets?