I submitted my first writing to Better After 50 about five years ago. It was the first time I ever shared my story of being physically abused at my Christian School.
Writing that story helped to pull off the 30 year old scab that had formed over my emotionally broken spirit.
Then having it accepted and printed created a deeper level of healing. I shared my story everywhere.
December 2020 I wrote the personal story of my emotionally neglected childhood, which became clearer to me as I continued on a self healing journey of journaling.
Because of the healing that started from writing for Better After 50, I am now writing freelance for a local magazine in Minnesota, became an Ordained Minister, Teach Life Purpose Coaching for Christian Women and became a mentor to women who were emotionally neglected in childhood.
I had wounds that couldn’t be seen, yet they crippled me in constant fear. What would people think of me if I did this or said that? My emotional neglect caused me to shut off all emotions. I didn’t know what I felt or thought. As a little girl, I was told how to feel, what to think and shown that my mother’s emotional needs superseded mine or my sisters.
If mom was happy, we could all pretend to be happy too. But if mom was upset, depressed or sad, we had to do whatever we could to change that. Totally messed up, but the more wounded women I help, the more common walking on eggshells has become a childhood normal for so many of us.
That then turned into keeping my firstborn son happy and walking on eggshells whenever he was upset.
I did the same thing with my husband. I placed his needs all before mine. I was an empty shell trying to give love to my spouse and our two sons, when I was emotionally damaged inside. Talk about impossible. Trying to draw water from not just an empty well, but a broken as well.
Thankfully my faith and my writing led me on the journey that continues to heal all the hurt and broken parts of me that are revealing themselves as I grow, learn and forgive.
I am currently 56 years old and living my dream life. I am semi retired, work at only things that fill my soul, help others or bring me peace and joy.
I have no fear to ask for what I need emotionally, or to try new things.
In 2018, I taught myself how to wool needle felt by watching a tutorial online. I asked a few friends to send me pictures of their pets to practice creating a small felt replica of. I started getting requests from people wanting to buy what I was creating and now sell them, along with the 7 different books I have written at a local Gallery in my town.
I am living proof, that when you take the steps to heal yourself from the inside first, it’s going to show up in your smile, your walk, how you carry yourself and how you feel about you.