Best Wedding Present EverAn eight-piece dining set. Wooden salad bowls. His and hers bath towels.

I’m sure I received gifts such as these at my first wedding shower. But unwrapping and holding them up for display, did not elicit the same response as the present given to me by my best friend.

She opted for the practical. She knew me well.  And she bought me a vibrator.

I must add that this was a couples’ shower, with my father as the designated photographer. He refused to acknowledge this present and thus it never made an appearance in my photo album.

Yet, to this day it hasn’t traveled far from my bedside. For the record, it doesn’t even take batteries, but runs with a good old fashioned cord which I plug into the wall.

Of course, I’ve lost some of the attachments. But I still have my favorite one.

So, I thought it was about time to give a special thank you to this important necessity in my life.

As you begin to purr,

I begin to spasm.

As you do your job,

I welcome my orgasm.

Always near when needed.

Never a complaint.

If I had any clout,

I’d declare you a saint.

Yes, it’s true. I don’t see myself trading it in for a newer, more updated model anytime soon.

That eight-piece dining set is down to three. God knows what happened to the salad bowls. And the towels have disintegrated into dust rags.

Why, even that husband isn’t around anymore.

Although, the friend who gave me the vibrator is still my BFF.

Like I said, she knew me well.

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