Detaching from Wanting My Ex to Fail
I admit it. I've wanted my ex-husband to fail and fail BIG. I’m not proud of it, but it’s there, simmering, waiting to erupt it into a full boil. Did his girlfr...
Ginny Poleman
“Won’t you be my neighbor?” A Fantasy
The apartment next door to me is for sale. While sitting at my kitchen window, looking over the building’s garden to the other kitchen window, I fantasize about...
“You Are Loved, Damnit!” A Lesson From The Universe For This Single Divorcée
Last month, I borrowed my ex-husband’s car to visit my son, daughter-in-law, and their little guy (read about becoming a grandmother here). As soon as I arrived at the parking garage, the attendant said, “I’m sorry, but the car’s dead.”
My ex immediately answered the phone when I called, arranged for a jump, and said, “call me along the way.”
He called me while I was driving, “everything okay? Call me when you get there.”
Pleased that he was concerned, I thought he was being dramatic. “I fine. I’m will.”
But I never got there. The car wouldn’t restart at the rest stop forty-five minutes from my destination.
My ex gave me the info I needed to get the car on the road again and where to drop it off. “Call me if you have any problems.”
My bestie, Sonia, sat on the phone with me until the car service showed up. Finally, on my way back into the city, I held my breath, clenched my butt cheeks, and drove the ninety-minute ride feeling sorry for myself. I missed feeling taken care of by my husband like he did so many years ago. I knew I didn’t want to be married to him, but then damnit, why am I crying?...
Great Guy, But Worst Date Ever
Probably the most frequent question I’m asked from friends and first dates alike, is “what’s your worst date ever?”
Oh, there have been some unpleasant momen...
A Grandmother for Halloween
“What are you going to be for Halloween?”
“A grandmother,” I replied.
“Like Estelle on Golden Girls with gray wig and baggy clothes?”
“No. No costume n...
What I Did on My Summer Vacation
I’ve come to dread summer. Watching everyone else have somewhere to go and someone to do it with gave me major league FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).
So this sum...
Not Married to Him Anymore, But Still a Part of his Family
I admit, thirty-five years ago, I wasn’t a natural fit into my husband’s family. I never thought of myself as a big personality, but my downstate New Yorker-sel...
“More of THAT, Please.” An Exercise in Manifesting the Perfect Guy for Me
I recently discovered a dating coach on social media who put out a challenge — a kind of manifestation. She said, “instead of being discouraged by the stupid shit men do [my words, not verbatim from the dating coach], focus on the behaviors you like, and say to the Universe ‘Yes, please! More of THAT!’” I liked this idea of giving a thumbs-up on what worked instead of kvetching on the negative. Too many times I’ve shaken my head feeling discouraged, frustrated, and sometimes, downright pissy about dating.
For example, texting with obtuse men like Michael on dating apps.
Michael: How’s your day so far babe?
Me: Good! Thanks. Isn’t it a bit premature to use “babe” before we’ve even met? 😉
Michael: Babe, it’s nothing. It’s just a name to show how much I appreciate you.
Well, I hope you appreciate this, Michael: *Unmatch.* Oh Universe? No more pet names, please....
Are You Married? Stop Saying These Things to Me about Dating
There’s a scene in the Sex in the City reboot, And Just Like That, where Carrie and her new, career-driven, 50+, single friend, Seema talk about dating. Carrie says, “I think it’s great that you’re still putting yourself out there.”
Ugh.
Seema points out the insensitivity by saying, “you found the love of your life and had him for many years. And in my eyes, that is something worth still putting myself out there.”
Like Seema, since my divorce, well-meaning but oblivious married friends and family say things that make me want to say, “f##k off.”...
Happily, My Marriage Wasn’t Ever After
Fuck Disney. Those old princess movies closing with “and they lived happily ever after” taught us that conquering the witches and scaling castle walls were the ...
Five Tips for Navigating Dating Apps
So you’re gonna give online dating a go? After five years on and off the dating apps, I’ve learned a thing or two — or five. The first thing to keep in mind is ...
Five Reasons Why Online Dating is Better for Me than Meeting IRL
Being single again after a long-term marriage, I have found the dating world is kinda different. The people are the same — men still say they’ll call but don’t....
Disco Dancing: The Best Therapy for Heartbreak
I grabbed a drink with a former boyfriend, one that I now admit, I was still a bit in love with. Occasionally we’d meet up and sometimes we’d even hook-up. On t...
A Love/Hate Relationship with My Breasts
“After 50 years old, you should never have sex on top,” my girlfriend quoted her mother.
“Why not?” I cried out. “I love it on top!”
“I know, but Mom preached, ‘You don’t want your big old breasts hanging in his face,’” she said wagging her scolding finger.
I hadn’t really visualized what my “girls” might look like from HIS perspective. It occurred to me that if I hovered over his face low enough, I could probably smother him to death with my bottom-heavy, pendulous pillows.
Always looking for a solution to continue to do what feels good, I asked, “What if I wore a pretty bra?”...
How to Look Ten Pounds Thinner
I needed a full-length mirror for my bathroom. I was tired of climbing and perching on the edge of my bathtub like an Olympic balance-beam event just to see my ...
Going Out Solo After Divorce
‘What’s her story?’ I used to ask myself when spotting a woman seated at the bar by herself.
Now that woman is me.
Over the last five years separated and ...
How Finding Three Moments of Joy A Day Gave Me A Lift—A New Year Reminder
I liked the idea of moving throughout my day from joy to joy.....Since my divorce, my life is so different from those days when my calendar was full with after-school activities and my husband’s work events. Now, instead of rushing the kids off to school, my mornings are similar to Susan’s with her morning coffee and newspaper, except I wake up looking forward to my favorite smoothie: chocolate flavored protein powder with a banana and sugar-free sunflower butter—a healthy, morning treat that tastes like dessert........
Putting off ’til Tomorrow What Doesn’t Have to be Decided Today
It was July, a month after the big divorce conversation, when I soaked my brother’s shirt with my tears.
“What about the holidays?” I stopped to blow my nose...
A Need for Time to Adjust to Divorce
Weeks after my husband moved out of the family house, I pumped gas at the gas station while talking to my mother on the phone.
“I can’t produce saliva, I’ve ...
Putting Myself First When I Knew it Would Hurt
I held my breath waiting for him to cancel again. This was our second time around as a couple.
That first time we met; he was one of only two men that I grab...
Ginny Poleman
Ginny Poleman spends her time giving in-person walking tours and webinars about NYC history; leads school tours at the Metropolitan Museum Art; and goes on cool dates in cozy lounges and retro bars. She also works on her young adult novels. Follow her adventures on Instagram @ginnyinprogress, and her tour business @NYC.Encounters.