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dating frustrationI understand. Dating can be a very frustrating experience. Whether you’ve recently been on a string of bad first dates, just returned from a singles event without meeting any good men, you’re fed up with online dating, or you’re not dating at all – dating can feel like failure after failure with no hope in sight. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Here’s the thing. The nature of dating is that you meet a bunch of people who are wrong for you until you find one who’s right for you. It can feel like a whole lot of failure. But you only need to succeed once, right? If you’re looking for ONE wonderful guy, is it really “failure” when you don’t meet him on every date? As Dan Savage says,

“Every relationship you are in will fail, until one doesn’t.”

I am not a fan of the word “failure”. According to the dictionary, failure is a lack of success. So, how do you define success in dating? I believe that you succeed in dating when you enjoy the journey, learn from each date, and stay positive.

Be a long-term dating optimist.

Begin with the belief that he’s out there or you probably won’t find him (even if he’s under your nose). Then, treat each date as an important step in the journey. Your date may not be right for you, but you’ll learn something from him.

Every date can be a success. I’m no Pollyanna. I’m a realist. Yes, hairy scary bad-mannered with no social skills men might make you question whether there are any good men. But there are many wonderful men. You’ll only find them if you keep on dating. Expand your dating pool. Try new ways to meet men. Follow these 4 dating steps.

  1. Know what you want and what you’re willing to give in a relationship
  2. Find and attract potential partners
  3. Evaluate each man’s ability to be a loving/healthy partner
  4. Date potential partners for awhile, educate them about your needs, and see whether they can deliver

Rinse and repeat. Enjoy the journey. Your attitude plays a big part in staying positive and throughout the dating process.

Every man is your potential teacher. If you pay attention, you’ll learn which character traits are most essential for you in a future relationship. You’ll discover what you will no longer tolerate in a man. That’s such useful information!

Are you enjoying your dating journey?

Do you find it interesting to meet new men? Are you becoming more comfortable and less nervous with the whole dating process? Do you see yourself growing from each date or relationship? Are you taking stock so you don’t repeat dating/relationship mistakes?

Dating can teach you so much about yourself. What triggers you? What makes you excited and happy? Which types of men make you feel comfortable? Judged? Accepted? Adored? And conversely, how do you think men feel around you? What are you doing to attract the right men and develop a healthy relationship?

When each date doesn’t result in your last first date, that’s not failure. It’s simply part of the process. Focus on what worked. Focus on what you learned about him and about yourself.

And go forth with the attitude that with each date, you’re one step closer to meeting your match.

What have you learned about yourself and men on your dating journey? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

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For a copy of Sandy’s FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)” please click here.

‘Like’ Sandy’s  Facebook page for inspiring posts on dating and relationships  after 40 & links to her weekly radio show.

Are You Frustrated With Dating? was last modified: by

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