Or are you like me – I just don’t do sexy.

Some women are sexy, granted even some men are sexy. But everyone’s taste and definitions of sexy are different.

Why is it that every Valentine’s Day in order to stimulate, pun intended, the economy, we have to talk sexy? Give me a break.

How many red rooms are really out there with someone as mad hot as Christian Grey waiting to whip you into erotic delirium? Seriously if your mate came at you with a braided leather riding crop, I see a restraining order in your future.

Just imagine the dinner conversations if the ‘world’ were as sexy as we are supposed to be on V-Day.

Let me set the scene:

Mom to 6-year son, “Tommy, didn’t Mrs. Henry look sexy today while she was finger painting?”

Dad contributes, “My barista at Donut World was so sexy this morning I was hoping she would steam my milk a bit longer.”

Not to be left out of the conversation Gram chimes in, “I couldn’t stop watching that sexy oil delivery man swinging that hose around the driveway this morning…ooh…there was tingling in my brittle bones!”

Give me a break. Let’s talk about what suburban women really want on Valentine’s Day.

Chocolate – but make it sugar free, gluten free and calorie free

A romantic card – preferably from the Paper Store where it will cost you a mortgage payment.

Flowers – Be sure they are delivered in the vase as we wouldn’t want to ruin the rockin’ red nails we just paid 50 bucks for.

Dinner Reservations – And we’re not talking Applebee’s

Movie tickets – To Fifty Shades Darker of course

And gift cards – OMG how sexy is that? I get to pick my own masseuse, perhaps I’ll bring a flogger!

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Are You A Valentine’s Day Scrooge? was last modified: by

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