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outrageous holiday letter

“Tis the season of Egg Nog, Driedels, Holiday Parties…and of course, those Annual Holiday Letters from friends and families in far off locations.  They are all doing so FABULOUS, of course.  What if once, just once, we got a Holiday Letter Like THIS one?

Our Dearest Family and Friends,

Happy Bodi Day, Festivus Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Merry Christmas and Happy Agnosticus Miserables. So much to report since our last holiday letter!   Thanks to my Facebook Friends for your pokes and virtual hugs regarding my recent surgery. Elective surgery is not to be taken lightly. After painstaking interviews and a thorough review of medical malpractice records we settled on the doctor who performed Bruce Jenner’s facelifts. My dear husband George supported me through the healing process, changing the oozing bandages on my face daily. I’m excited to report that the facial paralysis and swelling will subside in 6 months!

George had a recent scare a few months back. After a meal at our favorite Vegan restaurant, The Chia Pet Café, George experienced gastronomic pains and noticed that his stool formation and color were unusual. We rushed off to the nearest hospital where an emergency colonoscopy was performed. Thankfully, George got the all clear from the Doctor’s and as a precaution will take Metamucil, Prilosec, Ativan & Xanax on a daily basis. We are so very fortunate and count our blessings daily.

The Kids are great! After 4 years at Princeton, then a pursuit of a Masters of Samoan Studies at Harvard, Sarah has decided that she would like to switch gears and pursue a career in retail. Given her love of yoga, she has found the perfect match at Lululemon and gets a 15% discount! Joseph took a year off from his studies, last year, in order to expose himself to other cultures. He recently returned from Columbia where he lived with the Escobar family who treated him like their son. With their encouragement, Joseph is back at school pursuing pharmaceutical sales at UC Boulder with plans to graduate in 2016 with High Honors!

For some sad news, our beloved cat Ralph Nader recently disappeared. He was always an independent feline and never recovered after we adopted our two DoberPoos Barack & Hussein. We’ve covered every utility pole in town with Nader’s impish mug and hope that some kind Samaritan will bring him home to us.

George and I recently celebrated our 27th Wedding anniversary and we still feel like newlyweds! George has acclimated to my night sweats and dryness, sweetly offering to sleep in the guest bedroom. As a night owl, this arrangement works to his advantage allowing him to perform research on the computer. Having recently sold his online company, TwoFaced.com to the Winkolvoss Group he is looking into starting a non- profit that promotes understanding and awareness of premature ejaculation– no one should have to do it alone or feel embarrassed.

I’m still in the midst of writing my autobiography. It has been a painstaking process, as I’ve uncovered parts of my past that I have long suppressed including unsavory details about my Mother involving wire hangers. Will keep you posted on that one!

Wishing you all the Warmest of Holiday Seasons! Til Next Year!

George & Barb Bushstein

 

An Outrageously Hysterical Holiday Letter was last modified: by

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