Age appropriate makeup tips can kiss my baby boomer ass.
I’m bummed about being a baby boomer. I’ve realized the context of “baby boomer” has changed completely. Now “baby boomers” mostly means “elderly”. Which I am not.
If I were one year younger, I’d be lumped in with Generation X, which is not known for their youth anymore, but still, better than elderly. Okay. If I were two years younger.
Anyway, I was scrolling through Facebook and saw an article that said something like 5 makeup tips for older women. I told myself “No. No, don’t read it. You won’t be happy after reading it. Get to the kitten pictures and frustrating Donald Trump articles. Let this one go.”
I didn’t let it go. I will say the whole article was nothing but an ad for old lady makeup anyway, so there goes over half the authenticity right there. Not that we can’t write authentically about products, because we can. I’m just saying that if you’re trying to sell me something to improve my looks, you have to inspire me to buy somehow. Telling me all the shit I do is wrong can be motivating.
It can also be aggravating.
You know who knows what looks best on me? Me. I do. I am a goddamn expert at being me and whatever my makeup looks like after I put it on my face is what looks goddamn best. Regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Never wear eye shadow.
You know what? F#%k you! I like eye shadow. I see women who are older than me wearing eye shadow and do you know how it looks? It looks f#%king awesome.
I was mad ten years ago when I read that women over 40 should never wear more than one color of eye shadow. I thought that was bullshit. I didn’t know that 10 short years later I shouldn’t have any eye shadow at all.
Says who? The company who sells the all in one makeup at the end of the article? Are they the ones saying we shouldn’t wear eye shadow anymore? Because that’s dumb.
Then I thought, well, I did give fashion advice that one time and it seemed to go over pretty well. I suppose I can give make up tips for the elderly. I mean, if the people selling old lady makeup can, then I can too. I am not discounting their makeup tips. I am saying, however, my tips are equally valid:
- Eye shadow – Here is how to wear your eye shadow: On the area above your eyes. If you are wearing it anywhere else, then it is no longer eye shadow because it’s not shadowing any eyes. Wear the eye shadow, don’t wear the eye shadow. Who cares? Smoky eyes, dewy eyes, stink eye…whatever floats your boat. Wear all the eye shadow you want. This also applies to lip liner, eye liner, lip gloss, blush and bronzer. It’s your goddamn face. Paint it how you wish.
- Liquid vs Powder – So yeah, another thing that article/ad said. Don’t wear powder based makeup, use a cream based makeup. I have used nothing but mineral powder makeup for over 10 years now. I like my mineral makeup. I am going to continue to wear my mineral based makeup. So, it settles in the lines of my face. Well, I guess that does make sense. If I have lines, then shit is going to settle there. Who says lines are a bad thing anyway? Who f#%king says? Besides, my powder makeup sticks better than liquid ever did. I can rub my face because I’m tired or anxious or bored and not worry about rubbing all my makeup off. Or maybe I do and I just don’t care. I’m not sure about that.
- Less is more – Unless you like more. Then more is more. Or less is less. Whatever works for you. I love seeing ancient old ladies wearing a ton of makeup. They are made up and they look good. Better yet, they know they look good. I’m not saying I didn’t judge the old ladies with the turquoise eye shadow and bright orange lipstick when I was younger. I did not appreciate then, the way I appreciate now, how precious and important their self confidence is. Their willingness to be themselves without regard for asshole people having opinions about it is inspiring. My excuse for my shitty judgement in my younger days is because I belonged in the asshole category. May the universe continue to smile on old women wearing false eyelashes.
- Lip Gloss – You know what I miss? Bonne Bell lip gloss, the glass tubes with the roller ball at the end. They kind of made your lips look like a freshly dipped Krispy Kreme donut. My preferred flavor was bubble gum, but I also owned cherry and root beer. I did not like the root beer flavor, but it was a gift and I was being polite. And I would use it in a pinch. Better to have a face that smells like root beer than have a lips that weren’t shiny enough to blind other humans if they reflected direct sunlight. This isn’t really a makeup tip, but it’s my blog and there are other posts here that make way less sense than this one.
- Rouge vs Blush – I don’t think there is any difference between the two, other than if you say “rouge” then you are definitely older than people who say “blush”. I am at that sweet spot where I can go either way. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
If you read an article that tells you to stop doing something that makes you feel good about yourself, then do this: Flip off your computer screen with both hands. Click to the kitten pictures.
Being a baby boomer (but not elderly) has advantages. We are still sometimes afraid of what other people think, but we no longer feel compelled to cater to that fear. It’s quite freeing. I like that part of aging.
Don’t give up your eye shadow. I mean, unless you want to. Then you should totally throw it away.