Joel Goodman
YOU DON’T BRING ME FLOWERS….
Oh yes? Well you don’t sing me love songs is probably not the best response when the woman you love makes the first statement. Even worse, if she is like you and in her fifties, there is more than a good chance she will know you are reciting a cheesy Neil Diamond song. Once she names that tune in six words or less, you are even less likely to get what you want between the sheets than you were when she questioned you about the flowers in the first place. Let’s think about this…Does she like the smell of flowers? Does she like the symbolism of receiving flowers? Is she simply busting your balls? Or is it something else and has nothing to do with the fact the last time you gave her flowers was when Clinton was in office?
Can we take the “she likes the smell of flowers” off the table immediately? Let’s face it, if this were the case I would purchase a lot of stock in S.C. Johnson & Sons, who makes Glade air fresheners. Furthermore, flowers die in a couple of days. If it’s simply a scent obsession, the sweet scent of Yankee Candles Midsummer Night or Clean Cotton candles can be ignited with the simple strike of a match. For that woman who desires sweet smells, visit the closest Victoria’s Secret where you will find a vanilla-laced scent that is harder to remove than the red wine you spilled on her new white carpet.
Receiving flowers from a man is like cracking a secret code. Her first reaction may be one of these: What did he do wrong?” or “He must have really screwed up this time.” Guys may not always be the brightest bulbs on the tree, but none of us want our transgressions highlighted for the world to know. My advice? Think about this before you pick up the phone with the intention of sending flowers as a peace-offering. What about her birthday, an anniversary or (god forbid) Valentine’s Day? Flowers for any of the above symbolize one thing: your lazy and not very creative. I’m guessing that same woman is pretty bored in the bedroom too. Trust me on this, However, if the woman in your life suggests you send her flowers at her place of work… then symbolism takes on a new meaning. This woman wants everyone at work to say “awe…that’s so nice,” and “your husband is so sweet,” or what she really loves to hear is “I’m so jealous!” For this woman, the fast lane to her heart (among other things) is to get in your car, pick out the biggest arrangement possible and then personally deliver them to her at work. You will be sure to see a smile almost as big as yours when she gets a hold of you later that evening.
Don’t waste another brain cell analyzing “You don’t bring me flowers”. Hopefully, at this point in your relationship you understand your partner’s sense of humor. Does she wear a baseball hat more than she goes to the salon in a week? Does she drink draft beer or even better out of a bottle? Was your first date at the local pizza joint before attending a live sporting event? And the tell-tale sign: were all her friends in college guys? If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions there is a good chance your girl is like one of the guys and is flat-out busting your balls about the flowers. So, the smart thing to do would be to sign her up for the Beer of the Month club and make all YOUR friends jealous.
The best advice I can give as a guy is to not dismiss a statement as simple as “you don’t bring me flowers..” Remember time is life’s most precious commodity; take a few minutes and think about why she may have brought it up. Think back to the last time she was really upset about something as silly as not starting the dishwasher or leaving the toilet seat up. More likely than not, there is something else working behind the scenes that is bothering her. Either way, don’t ignore these little signals. It’s really not as difficult as you may think. However, “what’s wrong with you?” may be as dumb as “you don’t sing me love songs”. Open the lines of communication, address any underlying issues and, when she lease expects it, send her those flowers with a well thought out note.